my day at the doctor's office

so, i woke up today a little earlier than usual. i was up and at em at about 8 o'clock to get to my first real physical in over a decade at the doctor's office. to be honest, i really hate doctors or hospitals. i am not really sure why, maybe it is the old people. i left the house at about 8:40 and got to my appointment on time.

i was shuffled into the examination room and was told to sit down. i was given a blood pressure test and i was like 116/90. the 90 part was kind of high, but she said it was because i hadn't had a chance to rest. she checked my pulse, but didn't tell me what that was, so i assume i wasn't dead. then, she asked me some general questions about things and told me to take off all my clothes except my undershorts. undershorts? um, ok...

right around then, i thought it was funny that i wore boxer shorts today because it'd be hilarious to think as a doctor just wandering into a room with a fully nude man sitting on a communal chair with both socks on and wearing a watch. i sat there in my seat though, in my boxers, and awaited the doc.

she walked in and greeted me. she was nice and made me feel comfortable. i told her about how i had lost 20 pounds recently and she told me to keep it up and my blood pressure should get even better. now, if any of you really no me, you will know that i get freaking amazingly dry skin. especially where a unibrow would be and the sides of my nostrils. well, i haven't been to a doctor and told her about it. she said it was psoriasis. okay, that's not life threatening. i can deal with that. i even had a cream at home that i never thought to use on it because i thought it was eczema, but i didn't mention that at the time.

also, some of you may have seen this before or not with me, but i have had this problem with my hands and fingers for a long time. they shake upon movement. it is really annoying. i have been doing it since i was like 13. i remember back in the day, not being able to eat a real watery kind of soup because i would sometimes lose the contents on the spoon on the way to my mouth! even to this day, i sometimes have issues with placing small things or moving things. about a month ago, i took some change and put it in a pile between my pointer finger and thumb and when i went to give it to a cashier in a drive-thru, all the change started to shake in my fingers and then they splurged out onto the pavement between my car and window. so embarrassing.

i told the doctor about it and she performed this test on me where she held her finger out in front of me and told me to point my finger to my nose and then back to her finger with both hands. i was soooo off! shaking my way to the destination. it was ridiculous. she was like, "wow!" i don't think you want to hear your doctor say that.

after that, we got to the grand finale of male physicals: the hernia test. she told me to put my butt against the end of the exam table and stand up. she told me to drop trow. i did. then, she starts explaining to me all the things that she is going to check for and why and what she will be looking for. yo doc, i'm already naked! check my junk and let's get out of here. you can tell me procedure when we are done. damn. anyway, i'm all good down there too.

i kind of thought about what i would do if i was a doctor and had to look at male genitalia from time to time during these exams. i think it would be funny to bust out one of those back scratchers with the hand at the end to perform the test. also, if you had to give a rectal exam, i think i would get some laughs if i put on a coal miner's helmet first and turn on the light.

so after i put on my clothes, she came back in and sat down and told me the outcome of her exam. she stated that she was giving me a steroid cream for my dry skin. she warned me not to use it on my face though for a long time because it could develop spider veins. that'd be weird. i think i am gonna try my other cream first, or maybe i can use steroids and hit many homeruns in professional baseball!

then, she told me that she wanted me to see a specialist about my shaking. a neurologist to be more specific. she said that since it only has gotten a little worse over the last 17 years, she didn't think that i had...wait for it...a brain tumor or parkinson's, but she wanted to do a test to make sure! WTF?! she said that she thought it was what is called a familial tremor or something, but it was odd because you don't develop that so early in life. crazy. i'm not gonna get all worked up about it until i hear what it really is, but that's crazy.

so that was my trip to the doctor. i got a referral to see a brain doctor, some steroids, and my junk is fine.

talk to you soon.