sorry isn't a big enough word

i need to say i'm sorry, but i keep looking for the words that you will hear from me that could make a difference. i know i messed up miserably and if i can just get one more chance from you, i would make a difference in it all. i know that you don't want to hear from me right now. i know that i am not what people say you need at all in your life.

all i wish for is just one chance to show you and to show them all the truth. i have lied to you about this and that. i have lied and done things behind your back. i just want for you to see that that isn't me. i am sorry that i hurt you so bad. i am sorry that you never even want to turn back and see my face again. i know that what i did was wrong, over and over again i said things that just weren't true. i know that if i got just one more shot, just one more chance, i can make you happy and make you laugh. from the time that i get up until the sky goes black, i think of how i can get you back. i don't think that the chances exist, but i have to hold on to the possibility it can.

when we weren't hanging out i did something i regret. i just didn't want you to know that it went down the way it did. i just want to take this moment to say how sorry i am. the decision to not tell you right away has driven you so far away from me and i don't know what to do, but i wish that we could talk for a minute or two. i am just wishing for that shot.

sitting in the bar just the other day, i gave you my things so that i'd be okay. you helped me out with a hug and said it'd be okay. knowing right now that i will never see your face again, or hear your laugh, it destroys my soul in ways that can't be imagined. i know what i did was wrong, but i can't go back and change the past. all that i can do is prove to you that i am not that man. i am not that man i swear. my days and nights since that friday night have been filled with meetings and your glowing face and i just don't know what to do anymore because i don't have your soul to bounce things off of my mind. i wish that i could turn back time. i wish for one last chance to show you what i am inside.

i am not this cloud of deception and lies. i may not show it all the time, but i can make you happy in your life. i just need to do the things that will make me grow. i need to make sure that i do things right. if my word is my bond, i have made a joke of my life. i just want to tell the world what's in my heart. i am a liar and a thief of the heart. i know i hurt you really bad and i am sorry.

i don't want to ever hurt you again. if we never talk again i understand, but i just wish for one more chance to prove to you that i can beat this thing in my life that tries to control me in my mind. i have found god again and he is going to lead me to the light. i just wish that you can find it deep inside to let me in your life. the regret that i have has filled me up and the blame that i have is on fire inside. it is so hard not to hear anything you say, i wish all of the past went away. i wish that you could see me from this point on and know that i'm a good man, but right now i'm not and i can't go back and it hurts me, but that is life.

i understand if you never give me another hello. i just hope that this isn't goodbye.

i am so sorry. please give me another shot.