subject to change like the current of the sea

and as the plane crashed into the ocean, i knew i was still alive.  i had no idea how or what could have caused that to occur, but i was in excruciating agony from the impact.  the plane began to fill with water as the dead floated all around me and the water turned red.  it gushed in from the broken windows and i made my way to one of them and grabbed at the broken shards of glass still attached to the trim and pulled my way through.  my hands sliced open and the saltwater stung them with viciousness.  i screamed out in pain and swam my way toward the surface as the bubbles of air i let out with my display of agony rose with the kicking of my legs to oxygen.

i reached the air and took in half air and half water and began to cough violently to get the water out.  my hands were so painful and my head was spinning.  my legs moved underwater as if on a stationary bike, but my stamina would not last without some help as i looked about and i was all alone.

out of the corner of my eye, i saw something floating in the water about 100 yards away.  a life boat was sitting there in all it's yellow glory and it bobbed in the water waiting for me.  i swam and swam toward safety.  i chased it down as my life depended on it.  i reached it and used my last bits of strength to climb inside and collapsed in it with my head on the side looking back at the wreckage of my past.

it was scattered all over the water.  most of it sank to the bottom, never to be seen again.  some of it was floating away from me and some it was floating around me in the raft.  a picture of my mom drifted by and i started to cry.  what was i going to do now?!  how would i ever get back to civilization?  who will know that i am out here, alone, with nothing to survive on except a raft and some wreckage that i could use as a paddle?  all the memories that floated around me, too wet to pick up, would have to be sacrificed in the name of saving my life.

oh, how i wept with a deep feeling of devastation and hopelessness.  how i wished i never got on the plane.  i wished i had stayed home and i wished i never was born because i wished now that i was dead.  the feelings of what i was about to experience consumed me.  the extreme heat, the sunburn, the dehydration, the loneliness, the regret and shame would soon come and i would have to either drink the saltwater to end it all, or somehow manage to live through it.

i was too much of a coward to die, so i tried to hang on.  that night it rained and i used my shirt as a catch for the droplets and it gave me some water to drink.  the next day, i prepared myself for the battle with the sun.  while i was trying to keep myself as shielded as possible from the sun i paddled.  i had no idea which way i was going, but felt compelled to just go in the direction that seemed right at the time.  while i paddled, i looked for any sight of human activity in the waters in front of me.  i spotted a cruise ship far off in the distance.  what luck i had!  i raced towards it with my makeshift paddle in utter disbelief.

it took all day to reach the large vessel and just as i got about 50 yards away, the sea cruiser turned on it's engines and took off at a speed that was almost as slow as my paddling.  i could see on the ship everyone there having a grand time.  they were dancing and laughing and talking to each other.  some were holding others close and kissing.  others stood in circles and chatted and laughed.  the music was loud enough for me to hear it as the horn from the cruiser let out a bellowing wail to the emptiness of the sea that surrounded me.

could they not see me?  i screamed, but i guess the music was too loud, or the party was too fun for anyone to notice.  all the paddling that i did now was just to keep up with the just out of reach safety of the group.  it was so debilitating to feel that sense of closeness to something that was still too far away and i cried out like i never cried out before in my life.  i hurt my lungs as i screamed out to god or whatever was out there.  i wondered why i had come this whole way if i was not going to be saved from the little boat i now found myself in after the awful crash that i survived.

just then, someone on the cruise ship spotted me and he tapped others on the shoulder and pointed out at me.  although the cruise ship did not stop, they lowered a life raft into the water and a couple guys got in it and motored their way over to me.  they pulled up with about ten feet separating our boats and asked me how i was doing and i replied that i was weak, but was so glad to see them.  one of the guys reached into a bag and grabbed a sandwich and a bottle of water.  he threw it over to me and told me to hang in there.  he said that he would be back tomorrow and just keep up so that they could bring me more food and water then.

they all waved goodbye and turned their emergency boat around and jetted back to the cruise ship and tied it to it, climbed up the ladder to the deck, and went back to the party.

i sat in disbelief alone in the raft.  i paddled, and i made it to the next day, but i couldn't continue paddling throughout the night and when i awoke the next day, the boat was just about to the horizon again.  i couldn't get the energy together again to make the same effort i had the day before and was so deflated.  i wish they invited me aboard.  i couldn't understand why i wasn't good enough or wasn't sick enough to get the help that i needed from them.  i cursed at them and cried at them.  it did no use though as i continued to bake in the sun alone, accepting any fate that would come my way.  just as the sun was about to set that day, i looked over the side of the raft and saw a couple objects floating my way.  as they got closer i made them out...a bottle of water and a wrapped up sandwich.

the next morning, i awoke to the empty sound of water hitting the side of the lifeboat.  i looked all around me and saw nothing but water.  the ship was gone.  the clouds were nonexistent and the sun beat down on me and everything began to burn.  i didn't even know which way to paddle, but i knew that i would paddle until i could not anymore.

i hoped that it would be okay.