Saturday, November 2, 2013
Friday, July 6, 2012
subject to change like the current of the sea
and as the plane crashed into the ocean, i knew i was still alive. i had no idea how or what could have caused that to occur, but i was in excruciating agony from the impact. the plane began to fill with water as the dead floated all around me and the water turned red. it gushed in from the broken windows and i made my way to one of them and grabbed at the broken shards of glass still attached to the trim and pulled my way through. my hands sliced open and the saltwater stung them with viciousness. i screamed out in pain and swam my way toward the surface as the bubbles of air i let out with my display of agony rose with the kicking of my legs to oxygen.
i reached the air and took in half air and half water and began to cough violently to get the water out. my hands were so painful and my head was spinning. my legs moved underwater as if on a stationary bike, but my stamina would not last without some help as i looked about and i was all alone.
out of the corner of my eye, i saw something floating in the water about 100 yards away. a life boat was sitting there in all it's yellow glory and it bobbed in the water waiting for me. i swam and swam toward safety. i chased it down as my life depended on it. i reached it and used my last bits of strength to climb inside and collapsed in it with my head on the side looking back at the wreckage of my past.
it was scattered all over the water. most of it sank to the bottom, never to be seen again. some of it was floating away from me and some it was floating around me in the raft. a picture of my mom drifted by and i started to cry. what was i going to do now?! how would i ever get back to civilization? who will know that i am out here, alone, with nothing to survive on except a raft and some wreckage that i could use as a paddle? all the memories that floated around me, too wet to pick up, would have to be sacrificed in the name of saving my life.
oh, how i wept with a deep feeling of devastation and hopelessness. how i wished i never got on the plane. i wished i had stayed home and i wished i never was born because i wished now that i was dead. the feelings of what i was about to experience consumed me. the extreme heat, the sunburn, the dehydration, the loneliness, the regret and shame would soon come and i would have to either drink the saltwater to end it all, or somehow manage to live through it.
i was too much of a coward to die, so i tried to hang on. that night it rained and i used my shirt as a catch for the droplets and it gave me some water to drink. the next day, i prepared myself for the battle with the sun. while i was trying to keep myself as shielded as possible from the sun i paddled. i had no idea which way i was going, but felt compelled to just go in the direction that seemed right at the time. while i paddled, i looked for any sight of human activity in the waters in front of me. i spotted a cruise ship far off in the distance. what luck i had! i raced towards it with my makeshift paddle in utter disbelief.
it took all day to reach the large vessel and just as i got about 50 yards away, the sea cruiser turned on it's engines and took off at a speed that was almost as slow as my paddling. i could see on the ship everyone there having a grand time. they were dancing and laughing and talking to each other. some were holding others close and kissing. others stood in circles and chatted and laughed. the music was loud enough for me to hear it as the horn from the cruiser let out a bellowing wail to the emptiness of the sea that surrounded me.
could they not see me? i screamed, but i guess the music was too loud, or the party was too fun for anyone to notice. all the paddling that i did now was just to keep up with the just out of reach safety of the group. it was so debilitating to feel that sense of closeness to something that was still too far away and i cried out like i never cried out before in my life. i hurt my lungs as i screamed out to god or whatever was out there. i wondered why i had come this whole way if i was not going to be saved from the little boat i now found myself in after the awful crash that i survived.
just then, someone on the cruise ship spotted me and he tapped others on the shoulder and pointed out at me. although the cruise ship did not stop, they lowered a life raft into the water and a couple guys got in it and motored their way over to me. they pulled up with about ten feet separating our boats and asked me how i was doing and i replied that i was weak, but was so glad to see them. one of the guys reached into a bag and grabbed a sandwich and a bottle of water. he threw it over to me and told me to hang in there. he said that he would be back tomorrow and just keep up so that they could bring me more food and water then.
they all waved goodbye and turned their emergency boat around and jetted back to the cruise ship and tied it to it, climbed up the ladder to the deck, and went back to the party.
i sat in disbelief alone in the raft. i paddled, and i made it to the next day, but i couldn't continue paddling throughout the night and when i awoke the next day, the boat was just about to the horizon again. i couldn't get the energy together again to make the same effort i had the day before and was so deflated. i wish they invited me aboard. i couldn't understand why i wasn't good enough or wasn't sick enough to get the help that i needed from them. i cursed at them and cried at them. it did no use though as i continued to bake in the sun alone, accepting any fate that would come my way. just as the sun was about to set that day, i looked over the side of the raft and saw a couple objects floating my way. as they got closer i made them out...a bottle of water and a wrapped up sandwich.
the next morning, i awoke to the empty sound of water hitting the side of the lifeboat. i looked all around me and saw nothing but water. the ship was gone. the clouds were nonexistent and the sun beat down on me and everything began to burn. i didn't even know which way to paddle, but i knew that i would paddle until i could not anymore.
i hoped that it would be okay.
i reached the air and took in half air and half water and began to cough violently to get the water out. my hands were so painful and my head was spinning. my legs moved underwater as if on a stationary bike, but my stamina would not last without some help as i looked about and i was all alone.
out of the corner of my eye, i saw something floating in the water about 100 yards away. a life boat was sitting there in all it's yellow glory and it bobbed in the water waiting for me. i swam and swam toward safety. i chased it down as my life depended on it. i reached it and used my last bits of strength to climb inside and collapsed in it with my head on the side looking back at the wreckage of my past.
it was scattered all over the water. most of it sank to the bottom, never to be seen again. some of it was floating away from me and some it was floating around me in the raft. a picture of my mom drifted by and i started to cry. what was i going to do now?! how would i ever get back to civilization? who will know that i am out here, alone, with nothing to survive on except a raft and some wreckage that i could use as a paddle? all the memories that floated around me, too wet to pick up, would have to be sacrificed in the name of saving my life.
oh, how i wept with a deep feeling of devastation and hopelessness. how i wished i never got on the plane. i wished i had stayed home and i wished i never was born because i wished now that i was dead. the feelings of what i was about to experience consumed me. the extreme heat, the sunburn, the dehydration, the loneliness, the regret and shame would soon come and i would have to either drink the saltwater to end it all, or somehow manage to live through it.
i was too much of a coward to die, so i tried to hang on. that night it rained and i used my shirt as a catch for the droplets and it gave me some water to drink. the next day, i prepared myself for the battle with the sun. while i was trying to keep myself as shielded as possible from the sun i paddled. i had no idea which way i was going, but felt compelled to just go in the direction that seemed right at the time. while i paddled, i looked for any sight of human activity in the waters in front of me. i spotted a cruise ship far off in the distance. what luck i had! i raced towards it with my makeshift paddle in utter disbelief.
it took all day to reach the large vessel and just as i got about 50 yards away, the sea cruiser turned on it's engines and took off at a speed that was almost as slow as my paddling. i could see on the ship everyone there having a grand time. they were dancing and laughing and talking to each other. some were holding others close and kissing. others stood in circles and chatted and laughed. the music was loud enough for me to hear it as the horn from the cruiser let out a bellowing wail to the emptiness of the sea that surrounded me.
could they not see me? i screamed, but i guess the music was too loud, or the party was too fun for anyone to notice. all the paddling that i did now was just to keep up with the just out of reach safety of the group. it was so debilitating to feel that sense of closeness to something that was still too far away and i cried out like i never cried out before in my life. i hurt my lungs as i screamed out to god or whatever was out there. i wondered why i had come this whole way if i was not going to be saved from the little boat i now found myself in after the awful crash that i survived.
just then, someone on the cruise ship spotted me and he tapped others on the shoulder and pointed out at me. although the cruise ship did not stop, they lowered a life raft into the water and a couple guys got in it and motored their way over to me. they pulled up with about ten feet separating our boats and asked me how i was doing and i replied that i was weak, but was so glad to see them. one of the guys reached into a bag and grabbed a sandwich and a bottle of water. he threw it over to me and told me to hang in there. he said that he would be back tomorrow and just keep up so that they could bring me more food and water then.
they all waved goodbye and turned their emergency boat around and jetted back to the cruise ship and tied it to it, climbed up the ladder to the deck, and went back to the party.
i sat in disbelief alone in the raft. i paddled, and i made it to the next day, but i couldn't continue paddling throughout the night and when i awoke the next day, the boat was just about to the horizon again. i couldn't get the energy together again to make the same effort i had the day before and was so deflated. i wish they invited me aboard. i couldn't understand why i wasn't good enough or wasn't sick enough to get the help that i needed from them. i cursed at them and cried at them. it did no use though as i continued to bake in the sun alone, accepting any fate that would come my way. just as the sun was about to set that day, i looked over the side of the raft and saw a couple objects floating my way. as they got closer i made them out...a bottle of water and a wrapped up sandwich.
the next morning, i awoke to the empty sound of water hitting the side of the lifeboat. i looked all around me and saw nothing but water. the ship was gone. the clouds were nonexistent and the sun beat down on me and everything began to burn. i didn't even know which way to paddle, but i knew that i would paddle until i could not anymore.
i hoped that it would be okay.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
My Occu-Time in Washington
As I stepped off the train, I knew I
had no time to waste. I was in Washington DC, and I had to find
McPherson Square. My bag was heavy, filled with all the necessities
of my trip. I had with me my clothes, my tent, my blankets, and all
the other things that I would need for my nights out in the elements.
I hailed the first taxi that I saw and asked him to take me to
McPherson Square. He obliged.
We arrived at the square around four
o'clock and I knew that I had to get my tent set up quickly before it
got dark. The park was full and I didn't know where to set up. A gentleman came up to me in an old sweater and he had a beard. His
name was Bill. Bill directed me to a spot in the square that was not
being used and told me that I could set up there. I told Bill that I
had no idea how to set up the tent and he did it for me. Acts of
kindness like this happened the entire time that I was there in
Washington DC for the protest of Occupy Congress.
After my tent was set up, I decided to
go get something eat and went to a local pizzeria that was down the
street. After I was done, it was dark out and I decided to go back to
the tent, my new home. I climbed inside my tent around 8:30 PM, and I
heard the first trickling of rain on the top of my tent. I felt so
relieved to be inside, safe and secure. I picked up the John Grisham
novel that I got from the people's library, and started to read.
After a while, I reached my arm out to stretch and felt the puddle of
rain that had collected inside the tent. I let out a sigh, but it
didn't seem to be too bad and the rain had seemed to end.
What I didn't realize was that the tarp
that my tent was sitting on was bigger than the tent. The rain that
was falling down the tent ended up going onto the tarp and then
collected under the tent, which then seeped into the tent itself.
When I fell asleep, I did not realize that the rain started again in
the water began to come into the tent again and started to soak into
my sleeping bag. I woke up and my feet were damp and I had to change
my socks. I noticed that the water was starting to come in, but I
could do nothing about it. I put on a pair of shoes, and went back to
sleep. I only slept for a couple more hours when I woke up and my
pants were wet, the sleeping bag was wet, and my feet were cold again
and wet. I was shivering and cold, but I knew that this is what I
wanted to do. This is where I wanted to be. Hundreds of other people were in the same square as I was, and I wanted to see it through.
I woke up around 5 AM and waited for
Starbucks to open. When they did, I got myself a coffee and a banana
and waited to meet up with everybody at Union Station at 8 AM. It
felt good to be inside. I met up with a fellow protester in
Starbucks, and we talked about where we came from. He was happy to
hear that I was from Florida and I was happy to hear that he was from
California. I heard stories all day of people coming from all across
the country to be in this spot for this protest at this time.
When I arrived at Union Station, the
rain started again. I met up with other people from The 99%
Declaration, and we drank coffee and discussed what we were going to
be doing during the course of the day. We left the train station at
about 8:30 AM, and made her way to the Capitol building by foot. We
arrived there at nine o'clock, and there is only a couple of people
there. I felt like the wind got knocked out of me. I started to think
that it was a waste of the trip because nobody was there. Slowly but
surely though, people started to come. After about a half-hour, the
Occupiers from the two different camps across the city could be seen
coming up the street with a police escort to where the protest was
being held.
Throughout the day the crowd swelled,
and for the most part it was pretty peaceful. A few people got
arrested, but it was only a handful. I was in charge of tweeting for
The 99% Declaration about what happened during the course of the day.
I took pictures of what was going on, which included people
conversing with the police, people chanting, and all the ideas that
were being spread around. After a few hours of this, the group that I
was with decided to go get something to eat.
We ate at Hamilton's Bar and Grill. I
got one of the best bowls of chili I've ever had. It was so warm and
so good that I ate it in about 23 seconds. After recharging my
stomach and my phone, we went back to the protesting area. It was
time for the march. By now there were thousands of people there. At
6:30 PM, the entire group headed to the streets.
The police escorted us through the
streets. All the traffic was stopped. People in buses and cars waved
to us and honk their horns as we walked by. It was one of the most
surreal experiences of my life. I was among thousands of people
walking in the streets of Washington DC with hundreds of police
around me, and it felt right. We reached the steps of the Supreme
Court, and hundreds of people filled the stairs. We started to chant.
We started to clap. We started to cheer. We were there to tell the
Supreme Court that they work for the people. After a few minutes and
a lot of pictures, we descended back down the stairs, and toward the
White House.
After a lengthy walk, we reached the
White House. I never realized it before because I had never seen it,
that the White House has floodlights that can point out towards
Pennsylvania Avenue. Secret Service had turned them on and pointed
them at the protest. At the same time, you could see soldiers on the
White House lawn with machine guns pointed out at the crowd. On both
sides of the protest, in the streets, you could see police getting
suited up in riot gear and loading teargas canisters into their guns.
It was getting pretty serious, so the protesters decided to move on
and go back to the capital lawn.
That night, I was actually able to stay
in a friend's hotel room. I had never slept on a more comfortable
floor in my entire life! I woke up the next day, said goodbye to some
really good friends that I met, got on the train, and headed back
home.
This trip validated everything that I
have been doing so far as far as my involvement with the 99%
movement. The unity that I felt was something that I had never felt
before. Everyone was friendly. Everyone was there for the common
good. Everyone was there for justice. The corruption in this country
has got to end and we will not go away.
It was a shame to see how wrong the
media got it, but that's to be expected. They claim that there were
hundreds there, but a police officer told me that there were between
5000 and 6000. The media claimed that somebody threw a smoke bomb on
the White House lawn. They were wrong. It was a police officer. They
claim that we have no direct message. They claim that we argue with
each other about why we're there. They were wrong. Everybody that I
talked to knew exactly why we were there. We were there to show the
world that we know there are corrupt people in Washington. We were
there to say that we are not going to take it anymore. We are on to
them. The people in Washington do not represent us. The people in
Washington represent themselves and the corporations that buy them.
That is unacceptable. We will not rest until the corruption and greed
are thrown out of Washington by any means necessary. This is the main
goal of the 99% movement. To get the money out of politics.
It is no surprise to me that the
mainstream media has a blackout on the entire situation. It is no
surprise to me that the mainstream media chooses to downplay what
actually occurs. It is no surprise to me that the mainstream media
labels the people involved in this movement as being dirty, lazy
hippies. It is no surprise to me that the mainstream media focuses on
the arrests. The mainstream media is owned by the exact same
corporations that we are fighting to get out of politics. They have no
interest in our movement because our movement is designed to dissolve
them as far as their interests in politics are concerned. They are
not welcome in Washington.
So on a cold, rainy day in Washington,
I joined with thousands of other people from all across the country
to tell Congress, to tell corporations, to tell the president that we
are unstoppable. Another world is possible.
Spring is around the corner. We are not
going away.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
happy new year's resolution
hello, family and friends. happy new year! i hope that the year is
already off to a great start for you and your loved ones. i am down
here in florida still working away at life and...well, work. recently, i
have been asked what my resolution is for the new year and i have been
saying that i didn't have a resolution because it sets myself up for
failure when i inevitably would break that resolution. this is not
entirely true. i have a resolution.
i am going to be pretty blunt in this post. if i offend any of you, i apologize in advance, but the time has come for the country to act against the actions that have taken place against us. this country is no longer a country by the people and for the people. it is a country that is by the corporations and for the corporations. it is run by the heads of a few multi-billion dollar corporations by using politicians as cronies to do their biddings and i for one am sick of it. the corruption in this country has to stop and you need to realize this. i beg of you to get off your behinds and act. the people that run this country continue to wish that you remain apathetic and have an attitude of not caring or believing that you can make a difference in the fight. they want you to believe that it has to be like this. they want you to continue taking where the sun doesn't shine because that's just always the way it's been and you should be used to it by now.
go on. keep living the life you are living. keep making the same damn paycheck every week. as you eek your way through the year, cutting back on things that you used to enjoy, remember that it doesn't have to be this way. think of your children and what their future is going to be like. it doesn't have to be this way. by the time they finish college, if they even go to college, they will have amassed a student loan debt of close to a quarter of a million dollars...or you will have. it doesn't have to be this way. if you do get a bump in pay this year, it will be miniscule most likely. good for you. those at the top will have made this money right back from you with rising costs of goods, inflation, and rising gas prices.
why do you accept that things cost more and more everyday? why do you accept that the very people that are raping us financially have had no accountability and are still getting million dollar bonus checks every year from your tax dollars. why are you not mad as hell at all of the injustice that is going on? i do not understand why i go on facebook everyday and never see anything from people about what is going on in the world, or opinions on the matters. for the most part, i see people talking about football, or where they are going, or bitching about child support, or how they are going shopping during black friday. god, are we that focused on the unimportant daily nonsense that we cannot seem to focus on the fact that your life is controlled by the few at the top in everything you do and that all you do is continue to focus on other things? are you that ignorant? by now, i know that you know about the occupy movement. i also know that a lot of you get your news from the mainstream media. if you choose to know about this and still choose to ignore what is going on in the world, that is ignorance and choosing the side of the corrupt.
maybe though, you just don't want to stir the pot. maybe you like where you are in life. maybe you don't want to do anything on facebook that would cause family or friends to think of you differently. maybe you don't want to have a voice. just keep on trudging along through life making the same pay, putting money into a 401k that will be gambled away by the banks, and try and save to send your kids to school. maybe you don't think that you can make a difference. maybe you don't want to do anything that would effect your family.
the one thing we can all do in this world is bring justice to those that are doing wrong to our family and fellow man. just because those that are rich and powerful does not mean that they are allowed to do this, or that they are untouchable. they deserve to be treated like you or i. they are not out of reach. they are out of touch with the morality of mankind and they need to be held accountable. they need to be taken out of office. the corporate financial heads that ruined this country need to be put in jail for ruining the lives of millions by destroying the housing market, destroying retirement funds, destroying the value of our dollar, infesting the government with their bribes of campaign money, and the smiles on their faces in the public eye while they do it behind closed doors with handshakes and a toast to greed.
it is time to make a stand. it is time to say enough is enough. we are the people! this is our country for all to prosper. it is not to just get by. we are supposed to be able to live the dreams we have.
those in power need to be removed. they need to be replaced with non-career politicians that have term limits. corporations should not be viewed as people and they should not be allowed to contribute campaign money unless all campaign money goes into a pool that is distributed evenly among all candidates. people are in power not for you. they are in power for themselves and their friends. they are in power to have power and to keep power. that is a far cry from their jobs. their jobs are to ensure that your life is better. that your jobs are fruitful and meaningful. their jobs are to protect the constitution of the united states of america and not to tear it apart without your consent.
what can you do? speak up! demand to be heard! protest! if you have no time or are not ready to do that then donate money to organizations like occupy wall street, or to the99declaration.org. being quiet will not change anything. ignorance will only make it worse. the time to be heard is now! be anonymous or be out in the open about it. just please don't do anything. that is the worst thing you can do. educate yourself.
this is not about asking for handouts from those that have succeeded. this is about those that have succeeded by being unjust. it is about holding those accountable by any means necessary. it is about doing what i am asked to do as a human being. do unto others as i would have done unto me.
this year, i am going to do my best to make this country great again and give the power back to the people. don't be apathetic anymore. please. if you need proof learn about the ndaa act, sopa, glass steagall, the federal reserve, citizens united, credit default swaps, derivatives, the war on terror, halliburton, goldman sachs' involvement in our government, etc, etc, etc.
it is no longer time to just go to work and live life like there is nothing wrong. there is so much wrong and you should be angry as hell. the hypocrisy in this union is incredible. the time for revolution is here. from the inside out. get off your ass and do something for yourself and those you love before it is too late.
i am going to be pretty blunt in this post. if i offend any of you, i apologize in advance, but the time has come for the country to act against the actions that have taken place against us. this country is no longer a country by the people and for the people. it is a country that is by the corporations and for the corporations. it is run by the heads of a few multi-billion dollar corporations by using politicians as cronies to do their biddings and i for one am sick of it. the corruption in this country has to stop and you need to realize this. i beg of you to get off your behinds and act. the people that run this country continue to wish that you remain apathetic and have an attitude of not caring or believing that you can make a difference in the fight. they want you to believe that it has to be like this. they want you to continue taking where the sun doesn't shine because that's just always the way it's been and you should be used to it by now.
go on. keep living the life you are living. keep making the same damn paycheck every week. as you eek your way through the year, cutting back on things that you used to enjoy, remember that it doesn't have to be this way. think of your children and what their future is going to be like. it doesn't have to be this way. by the time they finish college, if they even go to college, they will have amassed a student loan debt of close to a quarter of a million dollars...or you will have. it doesn't have to be this way. if you do get a bump in pay this year, it will be miniscule most likely. good for you. those at the top will have made this money right back from you with rising costs of goods, inflation, and rising gas prices.
why do you accept that things cost more and more everyday? why do you accept that the very people that are raping us financially have had no accountability and are still getting million dollar bonus checks every year from your tax dollars. why are you not mad as hell at all of the injustice that is going on? i do not understand why i go on facebook everyday and never see anything from people about what is going on in the world, or opinions on the matters. for the most part, i see people talking about football, or where they are going, or bitching about child support, or how they are going shopping during black friday. god, are we that focused on the unimportant daily nonsense that we cannot seem to focus on the fact that your life is controlled by the few at the top in everything you do and that all you do is continue to focus on other things? are you that ignorant? by now, i know that you know about the occupy movement. i also know that a lot of you get your news from the mainstream media. if you choose to know about this and still choose to ignore what is going on in the world, that is ignorance and choosing the side of the corrupt.
maybe though, you just don't want to stir the pot. maybe you like where you are in life. maybe you don't want to do anything on facebook that would cause family or friends to think of you differently. maybe you don't want to have a voice. just keep on trudging along through life making the same pay, putting money into a 401k that will be gambled away by the banks, and try and save to send your kids to school. maybe you don't think that you can make a difference. maybe you don't want to do anything that would effect your family.
the one thing we can all do in this world is bring justice to those that are doing wrong to our family and fellow man. just because those that are rich and powerful does not mean that they are allowed to do this, or that they are untouchable. they deserve to be treated like you or i. they are not out of reach. they are out of touch with the morality of mankind and they need to be held accountable. they need to be taken out of office. the corporate financial heads that ruined this country need to be put in jail for ruining the lives of millions by destroying the housing market, destroying retirement funds, destroying the value of our dollar, infesting the government with their bribes of campaign money, and the smiles on their faces in the public eye while they do it behind closed doors with handshakes and a toast to greed.
it is time to make a stand. it is time to say enough is enough. we are the people! this is our country for all to prosper. it is not to just get by. we are supposed to be able to live the dreams we have.
those in power need to be removed. they need to be replaced with non-career politicians that have term limits. corporations should not be viewed as people and they should not be allowed to contribute campaign money unless all campaign money goes into a pool that is distributed evenly among all candidates. people are in power not for you. they are in power for themselves and their friends. they are in power to have power and to keep power. that is a far cry from their jobs. their jobs are to ensure that your life is better. that your jobs are fruitful and meaningful. their jobs are to protect the constitution of the united states of america and not to tear it apart without your consent.
what can you do? speak up! demand to be heard! protest! if you have no time or are not ready to do that then donate money to organizations like occupy wall street, or to the99declaration.org. being quiet will not change anything. ignorance will only make it worse. the time to be heard is now! be anonymous or be out in the open about it. just please don't do anything. that is the worst thing you can do. educate yourself.
this is not about asking for handouts from those that have succeeded. this is about those that have succeeded by being unjust. it is about holding those accountable by any means necessary. it is about doing what i am asked to do as a human being. do unto others as i would have done unto me.
this year, i am going to do my best to make this country great again and give the power back to the people. don't be apathetic anymore. please. if you need proof learn about the ndaa act, sopa, glass steagall, the federal reserve, citizens united, credit default swaps, derivatives, the war on terror, halliburton, goldman sachs' involvement in our government, etc, etc, etc.
it is no longer time to just go to work and live life like there is nothing wrong. there is so much wrong and you should be angry as hell. the hypocrisy in this union is incredible. the time for revolution is here. from the inside out. get off your ass and do something for yourself and those you love before it is too late.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
a pocketful of danger
sitting in the parking lot with my high beams on. got a pocket full of danger and nowhere to go. i think i will head on over to wherever and do want i want. boy, it's late. i need to find a place to sleep tonight. i have to get up for work in the morning. what a crappy job anyway. maybe i will just find another one after i lose this one because i'm not going. i got this pocket full of danger and nowhere to go.
sometimes i play the music really loud and sometimes i play it just loud enough to sing along to because i know i sound good, but i want to reassure myself. sometimes i put the windows down because i know the people that have their windows down would love to hear what i have on in my world. i will turn it up at a red light. i will play the steering wheel like a guitar, or a piano, or a trumpet just so you know that i know the song like the back of my hand. i don't know how to play any instruments. when the green light hits, i leave your sight and i put my windows back up because it's cold.
i put my pocket full of danger into the cup holder now and i drive around aimlessly. i thought i knew where to go, but i was lying to myself again. the only place i can go to is home, and i can't go there yet. i have driving to do. i better make sure i don't break the speed limit. i am in a 40 mile an hour zone. i will set my cruise control to 41 and just maneuver the wheel. i gotta take back roads. i am on the back roads. i need to get on the highway. i am on the highway. i gotta get on the back roads. i gotta get on the highway. i have to go north. i have to go south. i need to go over the bridge. i gotta get back home. it's not late enough yet. it's too early.
text messaging is an amazing invention. it makes it easier for me to bother you. what i need to tell you is perfectly reasonable right now. i know you will appreciate what i have to say. it's only 3am and it's worth it. why won't you respond? i will send you another one. maybe i should apologize. i will send an apology. i will write you again. i will profess my love. you will respond to that. i will text and drive. my pocket full of danger is still beside me. i need you to answer me. i will try again. i will try again. i will try again. it's 4am and you aren't around. i will try again tomorrow. i gotta get home. no i don't. i need gas.
maybe if i get home now though i can sleep for 3 hours and make it. that's what i will do. i am going to go home. i can look for another job while i have this one and that makes more sense. my pocket full of danger is empty tonight and i'm in need of sleep. i am 40 minutes from home now. i don't know where i am, but i will take this road this way and see where the next light says i am. wow, i am here. i will get home in a little bit. then, i will hit the bed.
i tear off my clothes and jump into bed. the first itch hits my leg. an itch on my arm. i hear buzzing in my ear. buzzing on my bed. i see a bug on my arm. it runs to the other side of my arm and i turn my arm to catch it, but i can't find it now. they crawl up my leg and tickle my knees. i run to the bathroom and turn my back to look at it in the mirror because i feel them all over. it buzzes in my ear and i flinch. i jump in the shower because that will wash off what i can't see. i dry off and it starts again. i tip-toe my way into bed.
my mouth is dry and i try to take a sip from my water. it feels like my teeth will shatter when i try to swallow. my teeth feel so brittle. i feel like my tongue is going to push them out of their roots. i will wake up with no teeth. what will i tell my family when they see me with no front teeth? i need to sleep. i roll over. i roll over. i roll over. i roll over. i take a sip of water. i itch. i roll over. over. over. itch. swallow. itch. over. hot now. i will turn the air conditioning lower. tip-toe back to bed and get back in. i look at my watch and i see that i have to get up in forty minutes. i will set my alarm for thirty minutes and that will give me time to get ready, or hit the snooze button once.
i wake up 7 hours later. i missed work. i am fired. i have missed calls from my parents. what will i say? i remember my texts. oh no. how would i explain that? i am broke too. where would i get more money without a job now? meltdown. breakdown. i like to just pull the covers over my head when this happens and go back to sleep. there is a knock at the door. family came to check on me. oh boy. i feel like shit and don't want to deal with them.
i'm glad they dealt with me though.
trips through insanity happen over and over if we don't recognize it. i'm happy where i am today. i drive my car during the day to specific places. i have a pocketful of hope. i still put my windows down at red lights.
sometimes i play the music really loud and sometimes i play it just loud enough to sing along to because i know i sound good, but i want to reassure myself. sometimes i put the windows down because i know the people that have their windows down would love to hear what i have on in my world. i will turn it up at a red light. i will play the steering wheel like a guitar, or a piano, or a trumpet just so you know that i know the song like the back of my hand. i don't know how to play any instruments. when the green light hits, i leave your sight and i put my windows back up because it's cold.
i put my pocket full of danger into the cup holder now and i drive around aimlessly. i thought i knew where to go, but i was lying to myself again. the only place i can go to is home, and i can't go there yet. i have driving to do. i better make sure i don't break the speed limit. i am in a 40 mile an hour zone. i will set my cruise control to 41 and just maneuver the wheel. i gotta take back roads. i am on the back roads. i need to get on the highway. i am on the highway. i gotta get on the back roads. i gotta get on the highway. i have to go north. i have to go south. i need to go over the bridge. i gotta get back home. it's not late enough yet. it's too early.
text messaging is an amazing invention. it makes it easier for me to bother you. what i need to tell you is perfectly reasonable right now. i know you will appreciate what i have to say. it's only 3am and it's worth it. why won't you respond? i will send you another one. maybe i should apologize. i will send an apology. i will write you again. i will profess my love. you will respond to that. i will text and drive. my pocket full of danger is still beside me. i need you to answer me. i will try again. i will try again. i will try again. it's 4am and you aren't around. i will try again tomorrow. i gotta get home. no i don't. i need gas.
maybe if i get home now though i can sleep for 3 hours and make it. that's what i will do. i am going to go home. i can look for another job while i have this one and that makes more sense. my pocket full of danger is empty tonight and i'm in need of sleep. i am 40 minutes from home now. i don't know where i am, but i will take this road this way and see where the next light says i am. wow, i am here. i will get home in a little bit. then, i will hit the bed.
i tear off my clothes and jump into bed. the first itch hits my leg. an itch on my arm. i hear buzzing in my ear. buzzing on my bed. i see a bug on my arm. it runs to the other side of my arm and i turn my arm to catch it, but i can't find it now. they crawl up my leg and tickle my knees. i run to the bathroom and turn my back to look at it in the mirror because i feel them all over. it buzzes in my ear and i flinch. i jump in the shower because that will wash off what i can't see. i dry off and it starts again. i tip-toe my way into bed.
my mouth is dry and i try to take a sip from my water. it feels like my teeth will shatter when i try to swallow. my teeth feel so brittle. i feel like my tongue is going to push them out of their roots. i will wake up with no teeth. what will i tell my family when they see me with no front teeth? i need to sleep. i roll over. i roll over. i roll over. i roll over. i take a sip of water. i itch. i roll over. over. over. itch. swallow. itch. over. hot now. i will turn the air conditioning lower. tip-toe back to bed and get back in. i look at my watch and i see that i have to get up in forty minutes. i will set my alarm for thirty minutes and that will give me time to get ready, or hit the snooze button once.
i wake up 7 hours later. i missed work. i am fired. i have missed calls from my parents. what will i say? i remember my texts. oh no. how would i explain that? i am broke too. where would i get more money without a job now? meltdown. breakdown. i like to just pull the covers over my head when this happens and go back to sleep. there is a knock at the door. family came to check on me. oh boy. i feel like shit and don't want to deal with them.
i'm glad they dealt with me though.
trips through insanity happen over and over if we don't recognize it. i'm happy where i am today. i drive my car during the day to specific places. i have a pocketful of hope. i still put my windows down at red lights.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Congress is Obsolete, or How I Would Change America Into a True Democracy.
The car made horse and buggy obsolete. The airplane made cross-country trips and intercontinental travel faster and safer. The computer made working environments easier and more time efficient to manage. The microwave has given the world a faster way, albeit not a more tasty alternative in my opinion, to eat meals.
Congress has been around for hundreds of years now. The world has changed in leaps and bounds since it's inception. Congress was initiated in a time when traveling around the country was very difficult for Americans. The leaders of the new nation decided that in order for the people's voices to be heard in all decisions for the country, they would vote for and elect representatives from their area of the country and send them to Washington D.C. to represent them and their views as best they could. They were elected for the people, by the people, and to vote on issues with how the majority of those people in their district would vote on different bills presented to the American people.
Representatives were sent from all corners of the country to this city of Washington D.C. and congress was born. The people of the time put their faith in these people to represent them as best as they could. Americans read what was going on in the world in newspapers and by word of mouth. The people of the country relied on these elected officials to keep abreast on world issues, national issues, and to represent the local issues of the people that supported him back home.
While this idea of how a democracy could be run was effective and functional back in it's day, the very idea of having a congress today makes no sense and needs to be overhauled dramatically. The new millennium has made way for an amazing array of technologies that make the very existence of congress non-essential. If it is on a strict look at the reasons alone for why their is congress in the first place, there are a couple of important reasons as to why the theory of it was put in place in our system of governance to begin with. One is what i explained earlier, the people needed to be represented according to the majority of what people in certain districts believed. These people could not all be in Washington at the same time, and thus, needed to send somebody there to be their voice of reason. Secondly, congress was a part of a three system checks and balance system that was to have no more or less power than the president and the supreme court.
Times have changed and both of these conditions can be preserved in a system of true democracy. A system where all people will be represented fairly and the corruption of single individuals who are influenced by big business and lobbyists would become a thing of the past. I am disgusted at the way that my vote is being represented in this country. I am sick of turning on the news, or reading an article online, and hearing about a congressman who is being investigated for doing this, or how a congresswoman has done that. I am sick of seeing how much money is required to run a political campaign, and since there is not term limits on congressmen, most of them take large amounts of money from corporations and usually return this favor throughout the course of their term.
I am sick of how i hear stories of how much a member of congress is worth before and after they arrive in Washington. I am sick of how many of them end up afterwards being a member of a lobby group in Washington, or take high paying jobs at the corporations that contributed to their campaigns during their political days. I am sick of how members of institutions were bailed out with taxpayer money and they continue to get money to this day as a means to stay viable and to be able to stay in business, but the leaders and executives of these companies receive bonuses given out to each other while nobody in congress pays this much mind unless it is just a soundbite on some tv interview where they are only on there for the publicity, and not to truly create action into the wrongdoings because they have been bought. I am sick that nobody stands for anything anymore. We have nobody to trust. It doesn't matter if you are Republican or Democratic: almost all politicians in washington are in washington for two reasons and that is to stay in Washington and make money.
Power and greed, power and greed. It is who represents us today. The sad truth is, is that the power and greed that those in power represent aren't even directed towards the people in their districts. No, they are solely for themselves and the people are the ones who are suffering on a daily basis. The very rich are getting richer, and the poor are getting poorer, and the middle class is drifting into becoming new members of the proletariat. When the congressmen that we elect are in the rich getting richer category, why should they really care about the rest of the country? Do we really expect that morality would be something that these people have? Where does this notion come from that so-and-so is a great leader and cares for me and the american people? Can we really trust in someone we don't know that much and be that apathetic?
America has grown by leaps and bounds since she was born. How can we put this much faith in those we vote for when so much is at stake and so much money can be made? We don't have to anymore.
Congress is obsolete. It is unnecessary. It was a way to get things done. It is not the only way to get things done. Not anymore. All voices can count. The American people can be that other cog in the checks and balances scale on a much more intimate level.
We live in the age of technology. Everyone can be anywhere in a click of a button. The internet has changed the way the world thinks, reacts, and learns. News is instantaneous. Opinions are generated within seconds of something happening 10,000 miles away. All of our thoughts and feelings can be expressed to the world if they want to see it on various social networking sites. We can harness this power into creating a congress of the people, represented by all of the people. There would no longer be a need for congressmen and women to clog the throats of democracy with stall tactics and filibusters. There would be no more need for political campaigns, except for the president who represents us in foreign matters, which means that there would be no more abilities for corporations to buy into campaigns, and thus, be able to buy into laws that would benefit them and hurt the American people.
What i propose is a daily voting social website. So far this year, the Senate has voted on 206 bills. 206 bills in 320 days. That may seem like a lot of bills but it is less than 1 bill a day. Some of these bills are to confirm politicians in different states, or in Washington. We can truly make it the law of the land if we can manage to translate onto a social website that can be accessed by every television, telephone, computer, or wireless device in America. Everyone has one of these in their possession. If you don't then we can make hotlines available in any public library or school. It isn't that hard to get to one of those devices. The people would have the ability to vote on all issues presented and be able to present them themselves.
People would be able to vote by registering on the site by using their social security number and PIN number. They could research any of the votes up for debate and vote on what they have knowledge on. they would not have to vote on every bill presented and they don't have to vote at all, but they would have the ability to do so. Any matter that they deem as important to them, they can have a voice and have a vote that mattered and know in good faith that their vote was not diluted in corruption or backroom handshakes. If a vote is to confirm someone as a judge or what have you in certain states, then that vote would be just for people in the state that would be effected by the outcome.
Bills would be presented to the people by action from the people. Bills would be written by leaders voted on by the people who would have term limits to no more than two terms of two years each and these leaders would present bills to those in his/her state first. This will ensure that the country would not get flooded with bills and have too much information for them to process. If a bill is deemed worthy to continue, the people in his/her state will pass it and it will go on to the national stage where all would vote on it. The person elected to make these decisions will not be able to run their campaign with any political contributions from corporations and they will make up only bills that deal with national/state issues. The president will enlist the help of cabinet members to keep an eye on foreign policy and present bills to the American people as to how we want to take action overseas.
All the bills would be presented to the people through the internet, television, and newspapers. People would either go to the website and clear the security checkpoints that would be built for authenticity and vote, or they could call the voting hotline and speak to a representative, or an automated system. All the votes would be recorded and you could see your voting history if you chose to.
This is my idea. I am open to suggestions on how to make it better if you don't agree with all of it, or how things could be made better. I believe that it would end corruption. It may need some tweaks, but I believe that the basic premise of the plan would be groundbreaking and instrumental in changing the world and the face of American politics where everyone has a voice, and it would matter. Why do we have to put blind faith into someone we don't really know when we can trust the one person we know better than anyone else? The one person who we know will represent the people with dignity, honor, and honesty is the answer. Ourselves.
Congress has been around for hundreds of years now. The world has changed in leaps and bounds since it's inception. Congress was initiated in a time when traveling around the country was very difficult for Americans. The leaders of the new nation decided that in order for the people's voices to be heard in all decisions for the country, they would vote for and elect representatives from their area of the country and send them to Washington D.C. to represent them and their views as best they could. They were elected for the people, by the people, and to vote on issues with how the majority of those people in their district would vote on different bills presented to the American people.
Representatives were sent from all corners of the country to this city of Washington D.C. and congress was born. The people of the time put their faith in these people to represent them as best as they could. Americans read what was going on in the world in newspapers and by word of mouth. The people of the country relied on these elected officials to keep abreast on world issues, national issues, and to represent the local issues of the people that supported him back home.
While this idea of how a democracy could be run was effective and functional back in it's day, the very idea of having a congress today makes no sense and needs to be overhauled dramatically. The new millennium has made way for an amazing array of technologies that make the very existence of congress non-essential. If it is on a strict look at the reasons alone for why their is congress in the first place, there are a couple of important reasons as to why the theory of it was put in place in our system of governance to begin with. One is what i explained earlier, the people needed to be represented according to the majority of what people in certain districts believed. These people could not all be in Washington at the same time, and thus, needed to send somebody there to be their voice of reason. Secondly, congress was a part of a three system checks and balance system that was to have no more or less power than the president and the supreme court.
Times have changed and both of these conditions can be preserved in a system of true democracy. A system where all people will be represented fairly and the corruption of single individuals who are influenced by big business and lobbyists would become a thing of the past. I am disgusted at the way that my vote is being represented in this country. I am sick of turning on the news, or reading an article online, and hearing about a congressman who is being investigated for doing this, or how a congresswoman has done that. I am sick of seeing how much money is required to run a political campaign, and since there is not term limits on congressmen, most of them take large amounts of money from corporations and usually return this favor throughout the course of their term.
I am sick of how i hear stories of how much a member of congress is worth before and after they arrive in Washington. I am sick of how many of them end up afterwards being a member of a lobby group in Washington, or take high paying jobs at the corporations that contributed to their campaigns during their political days. I am sick of how members of institutions were bailed out with taxpayer money and they continue to get money to this day as a means to stay viable and to be able to stay in business, but the leaders and executives of these companies receive bonuses given out to each other while nobody in congress pays this much mind unless it is just a soundbite on some tv interview where they are only on there for the publicity, and not to truly create action into the wrongdoings because they have been bought. I am sick that nobody stands for anything anymore. We have nobody to trust. It doesn't matter if you are Republican or Democratic: almost all politicians in washington are in washington for two reasons and that is to stay in Washington and make money.
Power and greed, power and greed. It is who represents us today. The sad truth is, is that the power and greed that those in power represent aren't even directed towards the people in their districts. No, they are solely for themselves and the people are the ones who are suffering on a daily basis. The very rich are getting richer, and the poor are getting poorer, and the middle class is drifting into becoming new members of the proletariat. When the congressmen that we elect are in the rich getting richer category, why should they really care about the rest of the country? Do we really expect that morality would be something that these people have? Where does this notion come from that so-and-so is a great leader and cares for me and the american people? Can we really trust in someone we don't know that much and be that apathetic?
America has grown by leaps and bounds since she was born. How can we put this much faith in those we vote for when so much is at stake and so much money can be made? We don't have to anymore.
Congress is obsolete. It is unnecessary. It was a way to get things done. It is not the only way to get things done. Not anymore. All voices can count. The American people can be that other cog in the checks and balances scale on a much more intimate level.
We live in the age of technology. Everyone can be anywhere in a click of a button. The internet has changed the way the world thinks, reacts, and learns. News is instantaneous. Opinions are generated within seconds of something happening 10,000 miles away. All of our thoughts and feelings can be expressed to the world if they want to see it on various social networking sites. We can harness this power into creating a congress of the people, represented by all of the people. There would no longer be a need for congressmen and women to clog the throats of democracy with stall tactics and filibusters. There would be no more need for political campaigns, except for the president who represents us in foreign matters, which means that there would be no more abilities for corporations to buy into campaigns, and thus, be able to buy into laws that would benefit them and hurt the American people.
What i propose is a daily voting social website. So far this year, the Senate has voted on 206 bills. 206 bills in 320 days. That may seem like a lot of bills but it is less than 1 bill a day. Some of these bills are to confirm politicians in different states, or in Washington. We can truly make it the law of the land if we can manage to translate onto a social website that can be accessed by every television, telephone, computer, or wireless device in America. Everyone has one of these in their possession. If you don't then we can make hotlines available in any public library or school. It isn't that hard to get to one of those devices. The people would have the ability to vote on all issues presented and be able to present them themselves.
People would be able to vote by registering on the site by using their social security number and PIN number. They could research any of the votes up for debate and vote on what they have knowledge on. they would not have to vote on every bill presented and they don't have to vote at all, but they would have the ability to do so. Any matter that they deem as important to them, they can have a voice and have a vote that mattered and know in good faith that their vote was not diluted in corruption or backroom handshakes. If a vote is to confirm someone as a judge or what have you in certain states, then that vote would be just for people in the state that would be effected by the outcome.
Bills would be presented to the people by action from the people. Bills would be written by leaders voted on by the people who would have term limits to no more than two terms of two years each and these leaders would present bills to those in his/her state first. This will ensure that the country would not get flooded with bills and have too much information for them to process. If a bill is deemed worthy to continue, the people in his/her state will pass it and it will go on to the national stage where all would vote on it. The person elected to make these decisions will not be able to run their campaign with any political contributions from corporations and they will make up only bills that deal with national/state issues. The president will enlist the help of cabinet members to keep an eye on foreign policy and present bills to the American people as to how we want to take action overseas.
All the bills would be presented to the people through the internet, television, and newspapers. People would either go to the website and clear the security checkpoints that would be built for authenticity and vote, or they could call the voting hotline and speak to a representative, or an automated system. All the votes would be recorded and you could see your voting history if you chose to.
This is my idea. I am open to suggestions on how to make it better if you don't agree with all of it, or how things could be made better. I believe that it would end corruption. It may need some tweaks, but I believe that the basic premise of the plan would be groundbreaking and instrumental in changing the world and the face of American politics where everyone has a voice, and it would matter. Why do we have to put blind faith into someone we don't really know when we can trust the one person we know better than anyone else? The one person who we know will represent the people with dignity, honor, and honesty is the answer. Ourselves.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
history repeating...for who?
history can't repeat what it hasn't even witnessed. history can only be studied when there is actual facts to go off of. history isn't a judgement of what could potentially happen in the future when based off of fear. history is pretty straight forward. history is repeating itself as we speak...
let's take a look.
once, there was a girl. she was a very pretty girl. she had the world at her fingertips and she wanted to do all that she could to make a difference in the world and in the lives of others. she was also very smart. she went to a really good school in the big city and had it made. or, so it would seem.
growing up as a child, this girl grew up in a family with a brother and sister and she was quite different from them. she was often teased that she was not even a part of the family and this girl even questioned this as an adult. she was taller and had a different nose and complexion from the others and that fueled her sense of being an outcast in her own family.
and then there was dad. what a man. what a great example on how not to treat your children. he was an abusive mess that squandered money and treated his children like crap. the abuse that he spewed upon his children struck the girl at the very core and imprinted the girl with the image of what a man should be. she carried this into adulthood.
she would pick guys to be in her life that imitated how her father treated her growing up and she would breakup and get back together constantly with these men that treated her like crap. they would get drunk and they would yell. they would talk down to her and they would make her feel like she wasn't worth anything that was worthwhile. she was a flower that had bloomed in the beginning of spring, but a flower that was so beautiful and yet placed in a closet, in a basement, and never showcased by those that she cared about. she was placed in these places to wither up and just get by on the occasional good word or two that would be given to her.
and she almost gave up at different points. she spent time in hospitals and she lost her way here and there. she ran to other places to start over and she travelled to forget the past. she tried therapy because she could see what she was going through was killing her and she wanted to find a new way to live. she never stayed in therapy for very long though. it's tough to face the past, especially when she thought she had the answers and knew which way to turn next. controlling her own life, she moved on.
and she met a new guy. he was a nice guy she thought. he worked out and had a nice smile. he treats me nice and means well. he just gets angry every once in awhile when he drinks, but he's working on it. he'll be okay. i love this man that has yelled at me for no good reason in the past. that is behind him now. i know it. i'm so good, he will change his ways with me.
there was a guy too that was a really good friend of this girl. she and him shared all their secrets about the past to one another and told each other how they truly felt at any given time. sure he liked her, loved her even. they shared a kiss one time in the very beginning of knowing one another. he tried on multiple occasions to start a relationship with this girl. he wanted to treat her the way that she should be treated. he knew she was special. he could talk to her about anything and could laugh with her about the world. at the same time, he could enjoy his time with her without having the relationship and looked forward to chatting with her whenever it happened.
he looked forward to her on a daily basis because he felt alone in the world. he was going through his own things too and one night he started to plan the end of it all. he reached out to her and she helped him through this time of trouble like he had in the past for her. they always looked out for each other. she asked him to come and stay with her for awhile to get away from his problems for a bit. he went to his family and they agreed that it would be a good idea.
she told him that she was not with her man anymore when she originally told him to stay with her, but that they were working things out. this is the guy that was treating her poorly before, but she thought that he was really trying and she wanted to work things out. she ultimately decided that the guy she had shared so much with throughout the years shouldn't come because he would obviously want to be looking for a relationship again and she didn't think that would be fair for the ex that she wanted to reconcile with. she cited the fact that history repeats and she doesn't want that to happen.
and now she is back together with him. just like how she got back together with the boyfriends of the past. she sees that he has really tried hard to change his entire way of being in the last couple months and that he is going to be on the straight and narrow now. history surely doesn't repeat for people like him, or like her. she isn't trying to find someone like her dad. she isn't living over and over again with a relationship where the guy treats her like shit. no, no. that isn't repeating. no, what is repeating is that this damn guy i have known for so long, who actually cares about me and has never treated me like crap keeps saying that he wants me as a girlfriend. what nerve! i got this guy right now who treats me like shit occasionally, but he is turning it around. you'll see. i will fix this relationship because i owe it to myself because i couldn't do it with my father. that's what i am gonna do. i won't just accept someone who cares about me and that's it. that would be too easy. i don't deserve that.
things may be good now, but she believes that history repeats. her friend hopes she is prepared then for what she has done to herself again. it's gonna happen. it may not be now, next week, or next month...but, it's going to happen. she says so herself. and then what? who's next? who can fix her?
let's take a look.
once, there was a girl. she was a very pretty girl. she had the world at her fingertips and she wanted to do all that she could to make a difference in the world and in the lives of others. she was also very smart. she went to a really good school in the big city and had it made. or, so it would seem.
growing up as a child, this girl grew up in a family with a brother and sister and she was quite different from them. she was often teased that she was not even a part of the family and this girl even questioned this as an adult. she was taller and had a different nose and complexion from the others and that fueled her sense of being an outcast in her own family.
and then there was dad. what a man. what a great example on how not to treat your children. he was an abusive mess that squandered money and treated his children like crap. the abuse that he spewed upon his children struck the girl at the very core and imprinted the girl with the image of what a man should be. she carried this into adulthood.
she would pick guys to be in her life that imitated how her father treated her growing up and she would breakup and get back together constantly with these men that treated her like crap. they would get drunk and they would yell. they would talk down to her and they would make her feel like she wasn't worth anything that was worthwhile. she was a flower that had bloomed in the beginning of spring, but a flower that was so beautiful and yet placed in a closet, in a basement, and never showcased by those that she cared about. she was placed in these places to wither up and just get by on the occasional good word or two that would be given to her.
and she almost gave up at different points. she spent time in hospitals and she lost her way here and there. she ran to other places to start over and she travelled to forget the past. she tried therapy because she could see what she was going through was killing her and she wanted to find a new way to live. she never stayed in therapy for very long though. it's tough to face the past, especially when she thought she had the answers and knew which way to turn next. controlling her own life, she moved on.
and she met a new guy. he was a nice guy she thought. he worked out and had a nice smile. he treats me nice and means well. he just gets angry every once in awhile when he drinks, but he's working on it. he'll be okay. i love this man that has yelled at me for no good reason in the past. that is behind him now. i know it. i'm so good, he will change his ways with me.
there was a guy too that was a really good friend of this girl. she and him shared all their secrets about the past to one another and told each other how they truly felt at any given time. sure he liked her, loved her even. they shared a kiss one time in the very beginning of knowing one another. he tried on multiple occasions to start a relationship with this girl. he wanted to treat her the way that she should be treated. he knew she was special. he could talk to her about anything and could laugh with her about the world. at the same time, he could enjoy his time with her without having the relationship and looked forward to chatting with her whenever it happened.
he looked forward to her on a daily basis because he felt alone in the world. he was going through his own things too and one night he started to plan the end of it all. he reached out to her and she helped him through this time of trouble like he had in the past for her. they always looked out for each other. she asked him to come and stay with her for awhile to get away from his problems for a bit. he went to his family and they agreed that it would be a good idea.
she told him that she was not with her man anymore when she originally told him to stay with her, but that they were working things out. this is the guy that was treating her poorly before, but she thought that he was really trying and she wanted to work things out. she ultimately decided that the guy she had shared so much with throughout the years shouldn't come because he would obviously want to be looking for a relationship again and she didn't think that would be fair for the ex that she wanted to reconcile with. she cited the fact that history repeats and she doesn't want that to happen.
and now she is back together with him. just like how she got back together with the boyfriends of the past. she sees that he has really tried hard to change his entire way of being in the last couple months and that he is going to be on the straight and narrow now. history surely doesn't repeat for people like him, or like her. she isn't trying to find someone like her dad. she isn't living over and over again with a relationship where the guy treats her like shit. no, no. that isn't repeating. no, what is repeating is that this damn guy i have known for so long, who actually cares about me and has never treated me like crap keeps saying that he wants me as a girlfriend. what nerve! i got this guy right now who treats me like shit occasionally, but he is turning it around. you'll see. i will fix this relationship because i owe it to myself because i couldn't do it with my father. that's what i am gonna do. i won't just accept someone who cares about me and that's it. that would be too easy. i don't deserve that.
things may be good now, but she believes that history repeats. her friend hopes she is prepared then for what she has done to herself again. it's gonna happen. it may not be now, next week, or next month...but, it's going to happen. she says so herself. and then what? who's next? who can fix her?
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