This is my scavenger hunt blog post!

subject to change like the current of the sea

and as the plane crashed into the ocean, i knew i was still alive.  i had no idea how or what could have caused that to occur, but i was in excruciating agony from the impact.  the plane began to fill with water as the dead floated all around me and the water turned red.  it gushed in from the broken windows and i made my way to one of them and grabbed at the broken shards of glass still attached to the trim and pulled my way through.  my hands sliced open and the saltwater stung them with viciousness.  i screamed out in pain and swam my way toward the surface as the bubbles of air i let out with my display of agony rose with the kicking of my legs to oxygen.

i reached the air and took in half air and half water and began to cough violently to get the water out.  my hands were so painful and my head was spinning.  my legs moved underwater as if on a stationary bike, but my stamina would not last without some help as i looked about and i was all alone.

out of the corner of my eye, i saw something floating in the water about 100 yards away.  a life boat was sitting there in all it's yellow glory and it bobbed in the water waiting for me.  i swam and swam toward safety.  i chased it down as my life depended on it.  i reached it and used my last bits of strength to climb inside and collapsed in it with my head on the side looking back at the wreckage of my past.

it was scattered all over the water.  most of it sank to the bottom, never to be seen again.  some of it was floating away from me and some it was floating around me in the raft.  a picture of my mom drifted by and i started to cry.  what was i going to do now?!  how would i ever get back to civilization?  who will know that i am out here, alone, with nothing to survive on except a raft and some wreckage that i could use as a paddle?  all the memories that floated around me, too wet to pick up, would have to be sacrificed in the name of saving my life.

oh, how i wept with a deep feeling of devastation and hopelessness.  how i wished i never got on the plane.  i wished i had stayed home and i wished i never was born because i wished now that i was dead.  the feelings of what i was about to experience consumed me.  the extreme heat, the sunburn, the dehydration, the loneliness, the regret and shame would soon come and i would have to either drink the saltwater to end it all, or somehow manage to live through it.

i was too much of a coward to die, so i tried to hang on.  that night it rained and i used my shirt as a catch for the droplets and it gave me some water to drink.  the next day, i prepared myself for the battle with the sun.  while i was trying to keep myself as shielded as possible from the sun i paddled.  i had no idea which way i was going, but felt compelled to just go in the direction that seemed right at the time.  while i paddled, i looked for any sight of human activity in the waters in front of me.  i spotted a cruise ship far off in the distance.  what luck i had!  i raced towards it with my makeshift paddle in utter disbelief.

it took all day to reach the large vessel and just as i got about 50 yards away, the sea cruiser turned on it's engines and took off at a speed that was almost as slow as my paddling.  i could see on the ship everyone there having a grand time.  they were dancing and laughing and talking to each other.  some were holding others close and kissing.  others stood in circles and chatted and laughed.  the music was loud enough for me to hear it as the horn from the cruiser let out a bellowing wail to the emptiness of the sea that surrounded me.

could they not see me?  i screamed, but i guess the music was too loud, or the party was too fun for anyone to notice.  all the paddling that i did now was just to keep up with the just out of reach safety of the group.  it was so debilitating to feel that sense of closeness to something that was still too far away and i cried out like i never cried out before in my life.  i hurt my lungs as i screamed out to god or whatever was out there.  i wondered why i had come this whole way if i was not going to be saved from the little boat i now found myself in after the awful crash that i survived.

just then, someone on the cruise ship spotted me and he tapped others on the shoulder and pointed out at me.  although the cruise ship did not stop, they lowered a life raft into the water and a couple guys got in it and motored their way over to me.  they pulled up with about ten feet separating our boats and asked me how i was doing and i replied that i was weak, but was so glad to see them.  one of the guys reached into a bag and grabbed a sandwich and a bottle of water.  he threw it over to me and told me to hang in there.  he said that he would be back tomorrow and just keep up so that they could bring me more food and water then.

they all waved goodbye and turned their emergency boat around and jetted back to the cruise ship and tied it to it, climbed up the ladder to the deck, and went back to the party.

i sat in disbelief alone in the raft.  i paddled, and i made it to the next day, but i couldn't continue paddling throughout the night and when i awoke the next day, the boat was just about to the horizon again.  i couldn't get the energy together again to make the same effort i had the day before and was so deflated.  i wish they invited me aboard.  i couldn't understand why i wasn't good enough or wasn't sick enough to get the help that i needed from them.  i cursed at them and cried at them.  it did no use though as i continued to bake in the sun alone, accepting any fate that would come my way.  just as the sun was about to set that day, i looked over the side of the raft and saw a couple objects floating my way.  as they got closer i made them out...a bottle of water and a wrapped up sandwich.

the next morning, i awoke to the empty sound of water hitting the side of the lifeboat.  i looked all around me and saw nothing but water.  the ship was gone.  the clouds were nonexistent and the sun beat down on me and everything began to burn.  i didn't even know which way to paddle, but i knew that i would paddle until i could not anymore.

i hoped that it would be okay.

My Occu-Time in Washington

As I stepped off the train, I knew I had no time to waste. I was in Washington DC, and I had to find McPherson Square. My bag was heavy, filled with all the necessities of my trip. I had with me my clothes, my tent, my blankets, and all the other things that I would need for my nights out in the elements. I hailed the first taxi that I saw and asked him to take me to McPherson Square. He obliged.

We arrived at the square around four o'clock and I knew that I had to get my tent set up quickly before it got dark. The park was full and I didn't know where to set up. A gentleman came up to me in an old sweater and he had a beard. His name was Bill. Bill directed me to a spot in the square that was not being used and told me that I could set up there. I told Bill that I had no idea how to set up the tent and he did it for me. Acts of kindness like this happened the entire time that I was there in Washington DC for the protest of Occupy Congress.

After my tent was set up, I decided to go get something eat and went to a local pizzeria that was down the street. After I was done, it was dark out and I decided to go back to the tent, my new home. I climbed inside my tent around 8:30 PM, and I heard the first trickling of rain on the top of my tent. I felt so relieved to be inside, safe and secure. I picked up the John Grisham novel that I got from the people's library, and started to read. After a while, I reached my arm out to stretch and felt the puddle of rain that had collected inside the tent. I let out a sigh, but it didn't seem to be too bad and the rain had seemed to end.

What I didn't realize was that the tarp that my tent was sitting on was bigger than the tent. The rain that was falling down the tent ended up going onto the tarp and then collected under the tent, which then seeped into the tent itself. When I fell asleep, I did not realize that the rain started again in the water began to come into the tent again and started to soak into my sleeping bag. I woke up and my feet were damp and I had to change my socks. I noticed that the water was starting to come in, but I could do nothing about it. I put on a pair of shoes, and went back to sleep. I only slept for a couple more hours when I woke up and my pants were wet, the sleeping bag was wet, and my feet were cold again and wet. I was shivering and cold, but I knew that this is what I wanted to do. This is where I wanted to be. Hundreds of other people were in the same square as I was, and I wanted to see it through.

I woke up around 5 AM and waited for Starbucks to open. When they did, I got myself a coffee and a banana and waited to meet up with everybody at Union Station at 8 AM. It felt good to be inside. I met up with a fellow protester in Starbucks, and we talked about where we came from. He was happy to hear that I was from Florida and I was happy to hear that he was from California. I heard stories all day of people coming from all across the country to be in this spot for this protest at this time.

When I arrived at Union Station, the rain started again. I met up with other people from The 99% Declaration, and we drank coffee and discussed what we were going to be doing during the course of the day. We left the train station at about 8:30 AM, and made her way to the Capitol building by foot. We arrived there at nine o'clock, and there is only a couple of people there. I felt like the wind got knocked out of me. I started to think that it was a waste of the trip because nobody was there. Slowly but surely though, people started to come. After about a half-hour, the Occupiers from the two different camps across the city could be seen coming up the street with a police escort to where the protest was being held.

Throughout the day the crowd swelled, and for the most part it was pretty peaceful. A few people got arrested, but it was only a handful. I was in charge of tweeting for The 99% Declaration about what happened during the course of the day. I took pictures of what was going on, which included people conversing with the police, people chanting, and all the ideas that were being spread around. After a few hours of this, the group that I was with decided to go get something to eat.

We ate at Hamilton's Bar and Grill. I got one of the best bowls of chili I've ever had. It was so warm and so good that I ate it in about 23 seconds. After recharging my stomach and my phone, we went back to the protesting area. It was time for the march. By now there were thousands of people there. At 6:30 PM, the entire group headed to the streets.

The police escorted us through the streets. All the traffic was stopped. People in buses and cars waved to us and honk their horns as we walked by. It was one of the most surreal experiences of my life. I was among thousands of people walking in the streets of Washington DC with hundreds of police around me, and it felt right. We reached the steps of the Supreme Court, and hundreds of people filled the stairs. We started to chant. We started to clap. We started to cheer. We were there to tell the Supreme Court that they work for the people. After a few minutes and a lot of pictures, we descended back down the stairs, and toward the White House.

After a lengthy walk, we reached the White House. I never realized it before because I had never seen it, that the White House has floodlights that can point out towards Pennsylvania Avenue. Secret Service had turned them on and pointed them at the protest. At the same time, you could see soldiers on the White House lawn with machine guns pointed out at the crowd. On both sides of the protest, in the streets, you could see police getting suited up in riot gear and loading teargas canisters into their guns. It was getting pretty serious, so the protesters decided to move on and go back to the capital lawn.

That night, I was actually able to stay in a friend's hotel room. I had never slept on a more comfortable floor in my entire life! I woke up the next day, said goodbye to some really good friends that I met, got on the train, and headed back home.

This trip validated everything that I have been doing so far as far as my involvement with the 99% movement. The unity that I felt was something that I had never felt before. Everyone was friendly. Everyone was there for the common good. Everyone was there for justice. The corruption in this country has got to end and we will not go away.

It was a shame to see how wrong the media got it, but that's to be expected. They claim that there were hundreds there, but a police officer told me that there were between 5000 and 6000. The media claimed that somebody threw a smoke bomb on the White House lawn. They were wrong. It was a police officer. They claim that we have no direct message. They claim that we argue with each other about why we're there. They were wrong. Everybody that I talked to knew exactly why we were there. We were there to show the world that we know there are corrupt people in Washington. We were there to say that we are not going to take it anymore. We are on to them. The people in Washington do not represent us. The people in Washington represent themselves and the corporations that buy them. That is unacceptable. We will not rest until the corruption and greed are thrown out of Washington by any means necessary. This is the main goal of the 99% movement. To get the money out of politics.

It is no surprise to me that the mainstream media has a blackout on the entire situation. It is no surprise to me that the mainstream media chooses to downplay what actually occurs. It is no surprise to me that the mainstream media labels the people involved in this movement as being dirty, lazy hippies. It is no surprise to me that the mainstream media focuses on the arrests. The mainstream media is owned by the exact same corporations that we are fighting to get out of politics. They have no interest in our movement because our movement is designed to dissolve them as far as their interests in politics are concerned. They are not welcome in Washington.

So on a cold, rainy day in Washington, I joined with thousands of other people from all across the country to tell Congress, to tell corporations, to tell the president that we are unstoppable. Another world is possible.

Spring is around the corner. We are not going away.

happy new year's resolution

hello, family and friends.  happy new year!  i hope that the year is already off to a great start for you and your loved ones.  i am down here in florida still working away at life and...well, work.  recently, i have been asked what my resolution is for the new year and i have been saying that i didn't have a resolution because it sets myself up for failure when i inevitably would break that resolution.  this is not entirely true.  i have a resolution.


i am going to be pretty blunt in this post.  if i offend any of you, i apologize in advance, but the time has come for the country to act against the actions that have taken place against us.  this country is no longer a country by the people and for the people.  it is a country that is by the corporations and for the corporations.  it is run by the heads of a few multi-billion dollar corporations by using politicians as cronies to do their biddings and i for one am sick of it.  the corruption in this country has to stop and you need to realize this.  i beg of you to get off your behinds and act.  the people that run this country continue to wish that you remain apathetic and have an attitude of not caring or believing that you can make a difference in the fight.  they want you to believe that it has to be like this.  they want you to continue taking where the sun doesn't shine because that's just always the way it's been and you should be used to it by now.


go on.  keep living the life you are living.  keep making the same damn paycheck every week.  as you eek your way through the year, cutting back on things that you used to enjoy, remember that it doesn't have to be this way.  think of your children and what their future is going to be like.  it doesn't have to be this way.  by the time they finish college,  if they even go to college, they will have amassed a student loan debt of close to a quarter of a million dollars...or you will have.  it doesn't have to be this way.  if you do get a bump in pay this year, it will be miniscule most likely.  good for you.  those at the top will have made this money right back from you with rising costs of goods, inflation, and rising gas prices.


why do you accept that things cost more and more everyday?  why do you accept that the very people that are raping us financially have had no accountability and are still getting million dollar bonus checks every year from your tax dollars.  why are you not mad as hell at all of the injustice that is going on?  i do not understand why i go on facebook everyday and never see anything from people about what is going on in the world, or opinions on the matters.  for the most part, i see people talking about football, or where they are going, or bitching about child support, or how they are going shopping during black friday.  god, are we that focused on the unimportant daily nonsense that we cannot seem to focus on the fact that your life is controlled by the few at the top in everything you do and that all you do is continue to focus on other things?  are you that ignorant?  by now, i know that you know about the occupy movement.  i also know that a lot of you get your news from the mainstream media.  if you choose to know about this and still choose to ignore what is going on in the world, that is ignorance and choosing the side of the corrupt.


maybe though, you just don't want to stir the pot.  maybe you like where you are in life.  maybe you don't want to do anything on facebook that would cause family or friends to think of you differently.  maybe you don't want to have a voice.  just keep on trudging along through life making the same pay, putting money into a 401k that will be gambled away by the banks, and try and save to send your kids to school.  maybe you don't think that you can make a difference.  maybe you don't want to do anything that would effect your family.


the one thing we can all do in this world is bring justice to those that are doing wrong to our family and fellow man.  just because those that are rich and powerful does not mean that they are allowed to do this, or that they are untouchable.  they deserve to be treated like you or i.  they are not out of reach.  they are out of touch with the morality of mankind and they need to be held accountable.  they need to be taken out of office.  the corporate financial heads that ruined this country need to be put in jail for ruining the lives of millions by destroying the housing market, destroying retirement funds, destroying the value of our dollar, infesting the government with their bribes of campaign money, and the smiles on their faces in the public eye while they do it behind closed doors with handshakes and a toast to greed.


it is time to make a stand.  it is time to say enough is enough.  we are the people!  this is our country for all to prosper.  it is not to just get by.  we are supposed to be able to live the dreams we have.


those in power need to be removed.  they need to be replaced with non-career politicians that have term limits.  corporations should not be viewed as people and they should not be allowed to contribute campaign money unless all campaign money goes into a pool that is distributed evenly among all candidates.  people are in power not for you.  they are in power for themselves and their friends.  they are in power to have power and to keep power.  that is a far cry from their jobs.  their jobs are to ensure that your life is better.  that your jobs are fruitful and meaningful.  their jobs are to protect the constitution of the united states of america and not to tear it apart without your consent.


what can you do?  speak up!  demand to be heard!  protest!  if you have no time or are not ready to do that then donate money to organizations like occupy wall street, or to the99declaration.org.  being quiet will not change anything.  ignorance will only make it worse.  the time to be heard is now!  be anonymous or be out in the open about it.  just please don't do anything.  that is the worst thing you can do.  educate yourself.


this is not about asking for handouts from those that have succeeded.  this is about those that have succeeded by being unjust.  it is about holding those accountable by any means necessary.  it is about doing what i am asked to do as a human being.  do unto others as i would have done unto me.


this year, i am going to do my best to make this country great again and give the power back to the people.  don't be apathetic anymore.  please.  if you need proof learn about the ndaa act, sopa, glass steagall, the federal reserve, citizens united, credit default swaps, derivatives, the war on terror, halliburton, goldman sachs' involvement in our government, etc, etc, etc.


it is no longer time to just go to work and live life like there is nothing wrong.  there is so much wrong and you should be angry as hell.  the hypocrisy in this union is incredible.  the time for revolution is here.  from the inside out.  get off your ass and do something for yourself and those you love before it is too late.

a pocketful of danger

sitting in the parking lot with my high beams on.  got a pocket full of danger and nowhere to go.  i think i will head on over to wherever and do want i want.  boy, it's late.  i need to find a place to sleep tonight.  i have to get up for work in the morning.  what a crappy job anyway.  maybe i will just find another one after i lose this one because i'm not going.  i got this pocket full of danger and nowhere to go.

sometimes i play the music really loud and sometimes i play it just loud enough to sing along to because i know i sound good, but i want to reassure myself.  sometimes i put the windows down because i know the people that have their windows down would love to hear what i have on in my world.  i will turn it up at a red light.  i will play the steering wheel like a guitar, or a piano, or a trumpet just so you know that i know the song like the back of my hand.  i don't know how to play any instruments.  when the green light hits, i leave your sight and i put my windows back up because it's cold.

i put my pocket full of danger into the cup holder now and i drive around aimlessly.  i thought i knew where to go, but i was lying to myself again.  the only place i can go to is home, and i can't go there yet.  i have driving to do.  i better make sure i don't break the speed limit.  i am in a 40 mile an hour zone.  i will set my cruise control to 41 and just maneuver the wheel.  i gotta take back roads.  i am on the back roads.  i need to get on the highway.  i am on the highway.  i gotta get on the back roads.  i gotta get on the highway.  i have to go north.  i have to go south.  i need to go over the bridge.  i gotta get back home.  it's not late enough yet.  it's too early.

text messaging is an amazing invention.  it makes it easier for me to bother you.  what i need to tell you is perfectly reasonable right now.  i know you will appreciate what i have to say.  it's only 3am and it's worth it.  why won't you respond?  i will send you another one.  maybe i should apologize.  i will send an apology.  i will write you again.  i will profess my love.  you will respond to that.  i will text and drive.  my pocket full of danger is still beside me.  i need you to answer me.  i will try again.  i will try again.  i will try again.  it's 4am and you aren't around.  i will try again tomorrow.  i gotta get home.  no i don't.  i need gas.

maybe if i get home now though i can sleep for 3 hours and make it.  that's what i will do.  i am going to go home.  i can look for another job while i have this one and that makes more sense.  my pocket full of danger is empty tonight and i'm in need of sleep.  i am 40 minutes from home now.  i don't know where i am, but i will take this road this way and see where the next light says i am.  wow, i am here.  i will get home in a little bit.  then, i will hit the bed.

i tear off my clothes and jump into bed.  the first itch hits my leg.  an itch on my arm.  i hear buzzing in my ear.  buzzing on my bed.  i see a bug on my arm.  it runs to the other side of my arm and i turn my arm to catch it, but i can't find it now.  they crawl up my leg and tickle my knees.  i run to the bathroom and turn my back to look at it in the mirror because i feel them all over.  it buzzes in my ear and i flinch.  i jump in the shower because that will wash off what i can't see.  i dry off and it starts again.  i tip-toe my way into bed.

my mouth is dry and i try to take a sip from my water.  it feels like my teeth will shatter when i try to swallow.  my teeth feel so brittle.  i feel like my tongue is going to push them out of their roots.  i will wake up with no teeth.  what will i tell my family when they see me with no front teeth?  i need to sleep.  i roll over.  i roll over.  i roll over.  i roll over.  i take a sip of water.  i itch.  i roll over.  over.  over.  itch.  swallow.  itch.  over.  hot now.  i will turn the air conditioning lower.  tip-toe back to bed and get back in.  i look at my watch and i see that i have to get up in forty minutes.  i will set my alarm for thirty minutes and that will give me time to get ready, or hit the snooze button once.

i wake up 7 hours later.  i missed work.  i am fired.  i have missed calls from my parents.  what will i say?  i remember my texts.  oh no.  how would i explain that?  i am broke too.  where would i get more money without a job now?  meltdown.  breakdown.  i like to just pull the covers over my head when this happens and go back to sleep.  there is a knock at the door.  family came to check on me.  oh boy.  i feel like shit and don't want to deal with them.

i'm glad they dealt with me though.

trips through insanity happen over and over if we don't recognize it.  i'm happy where i am today.  i drive my car during the day to specific places.  i have a pocketful of hope.  i still put my windows down at red lights.

Congress is Obsolete, or How I Would Change America Into a True Democracy.

The car made horse and buggy obsolete.  The airplane made cross-country trips and intercontinental travel faster and safer.  The computer made working environments easier and more time efficient to manage.  The microwave has given the world a faster way, albeit not a more tasty alternative in my opinion, to eat meals.

Congress has been around for hundreds of years now.  The world has changed in leaps and bounds since it's inception.  Congress was initiated in a time when traveling around the country was very difficult for Americans.  The leaders of the new nation decided that in order for the people's voices to be heard in all decisions for the country, they would vote for and elect representatives from their area of the country and send them to Washington D.C. to represent them and their views as best they could.  They were elected for the people, by the people, and to vote on issues with how the majority of those people in their district would vote on different bills presented to the American people.

Representatives were sent from all corners of the country to this city of Washington D.C. and congress was born.  The people of the time put their faith in these people to represent them as best as they could.  Americans read what was going on in the world in newspapers and by word of mouth.  The people of the country relied on these elected officials to keep abreast on world issues, national issues, and to represent the local issues of the people that supported him back home.

While this idea of how a democracy could be run was effective and functional back in it's day, the very idea of having a congress today makes no sense and needs to be overhauled dramatically.  The new millennium has made way for an amazing array of technologies that make the very existence of congress non-essential.   If it is on a strict look at the reasons alone for why their is congress in the first place, there are a couple of important reasons as to why the theory of it was put in place in our system of governance to begin with.  One is what i explained earlier, the people needed to be represented according to the majority of what people in certain districts believed.  These people could not all be in Washington at the same time, and thus, needed to send somebody there to be their voice of reason.  Secondly, congress was a part of a three system checks and balance system that was to have no more or less power than the president and the supreme court.

Times have changed and both of these conditions can be preserved in a system of true democracy.  A system where all people will be represented fairly and the corruption of single individuals who are influenced by big business and lobbyists would become a thing of the past.  I am disgusted at the way that my vote is being represented in this country.  I am sick of turning on the news, or reading an article online, and hearing about a congressman who is being investigated for doing this, or how a congresswoman has done that.  I am sick of seeing how much money is required to run a political campaign, and since there is not term limits on congressmen, most of them take large amounts of money from corporations and usually return this favor throughout the course of their term.

I am sick of how i hear stories of how much a member of congress is worth before and after they arrive in Washington.  I am sick of how many of them end up afterwards being a member of a lobby group in Washington, or take high paying jobs at the corporations that contributed to their campaigns during their political days.  I am sick of how members of institutions were bailed out with taxpayer money and they continue to get money to this day as a means to stay viable and to be able to stay in business, but the leaders and executives of these companies receive bonuses given out to each other while nobody in congress pays this much mind unless it is just a soundbite on some tv interview where they are only on there for the publicity, and not to truly create action into the wrongdoings because they have been bought.  I am sick that nobody stands for anything anymore.  We have nobody to trust.  It doesn't matter if you are Republican or Democratic:  almost all politicians in washington are in washington for two reasons and that is to stay in Washington and make money.

Power and greed, power and greed.  It is who represents us today.  The sad truth is, is that the power and greed that those in power represent aren't even directed towards the people in their districts.  No, they are solely for themselves and the people are the ones who are suffering on a daily basis.  The very rich are getting richer, and the poor are getting poorer, and the middle class is drifting into becoming new members of the proletariat.  When the congressmen that we elect are in the rich getting richer category, why should they really care about the rest of the country?  Do we really expect that morality would be something that these people have?  Where does this notion come from that so-and-so is a great leader and cares for me and the american people?  Can we really trust in someone we don't know that much and be that apathetic?

America has grown by leaps and bounds since she was born.  How can we put this much faith in those we vote for when so much is at stake and so much money can be made?  We don't have to anymore.

Congress is obsolete.  It is unnecessary.  It was a way to get things done.  It is not the only way to get things done.  Not anymore.  All voices can count.  The American people can be that other cog in the checks and balances scale on a much more intimate level.

We live in the age of technology.  Everyone can be anywhere in a click of a button.  The internet has changed the way the world thinks, reacts, and learns.  News is instantaneous.  Opinions are generated within seconds of something happening 10,000 miles away.  All of our thoughts and feelings can be expressed to the world if they want to see it on various social networking sites.  We can harness this power into creating a congress of the people, represented by all of the people.  There would no longer be a need for congressmen and women to clog the throats of democracy with stall tactics and filibusters.  There would be no more need for political campaigns, except for the president who represents us in foreign matters, which means that there would be no more abilities for corporations to buy into campaigns, and thus, be able to buy into laws that would benefit them and hurt the American people.

What i propose is a daily voting social website.  So far this year, the Senate has voted on 206 bills.  206 bills in 320 days.  That may seem like a lot of bills but it is less than 1 bill a day.  Some of these bills are to confirm politicians in different states, or in Washington.  We can truly make it the law of the land if we can manage to translate onto a social website that can be accessed by every television, telephone, computer, or wireless device in America.  Everyone has one of these in their possession.  If you don't then we can make hotlines available in any public library or school.  It isn't that hard to get to one of those devices.  The people would have the ability to vote on all issues presented and be able to present them themselves.

People would be able to vote by registering on the site by using their social security number and PIN number.  They could research any of the votes up for debate and vote on what they have knowledge on.  they would not have to vote on every bill presented and they don't have to vote at all, but they would have the ability to do so.  Any matter that they deem as important to them, they can have a voice and have a vote that mattered and know in good faith that their vote was not diluted in corruption or backroom handshakes.  If a vote is to confirm someone as a judge or what have you in certain states, then that vote would be just for people in the state that would be effected by the outcome.

Bills would be presented to the people by action from the people.  Bills would be written by leaders voted on by the people who would have term limits to no more than two terms of two years each and these leaders would present bills to those in his/her state first.  This will ensure that the country would not get flooded with bills and have too much information for them to process.  If a bill is deemed worthy to continue, the people in his/her state will pass it and it will go on to the national stage where all would vote on it.  The person elected to make these decisions will not be able to run their campaign with any political contributions from corporations and they will make up only bills that deal with national/state issues.  The president will enlist the help of cabinet members to keep an eye on foreign policy and present bills to the American people as to how we want to take action overseas.

All the bills would be presented to the people through the internet, television, and newspapers.  People would either go to the website and clear the security checkpoints that would be built for authenticity and vote, or they could call the voting hotline and speak to a representative, or an automated system.  All the votes would be recorded and you could see your voting history if you chose to.

This is my idea.  I am open to suggestions on how to make it better if you don't agree with all of it, or how things could be made better.  I believe that it would end corruption.  It may need some tweaks, but I believe that the basic premise of the plan would be groundbreaking and instrumental in changing the world and the face of American politics where everyone has a voice, and it would matter.  Why do we have to put blind faith into someone we don't really know when we can trust the one person we know better than anyone else?  The one person who we know will represent the people with dignity, honor, and honesty is the answer.  Ourselves.

history repeating...for who?

history can't repeat what it hasn't even witnessed.  history can only be studied when there is actual facts to go off of.  history isn't a judgement of what could potentially happen in the future when based off of fear.  history is pretty straight forward.  history is repeating itself as we speak...

let's take a look.

once, there was a girl.  she was a very pretty girl.  she had the world at her fingertips and she wanted to do all that she could to make a difference in the world and in the lives of others.  she was also very smart.  she went to a really good school in the big city and had it made.  or, so it would seem.

growing up as a child, this girl grew up in a family with a brother and sister and she was quite different from them.  she was often teased that she was not even a part of the family and this girl even questioned this as an adult.  she was taller and had a different nose and complexion from the others and that fueled her sense of being an outcast in her own family. 

and then there was dad.  what a man.  what a great example on how not to treat your children.  he was an abusive mess that squandered money and treated his children like crap.  the abuse that he spewed upon his children struck the girl at the very core and imprinted the girl with the image of what a man should be.  she carried this into adulthood.

she would pick guys to be in her life that imitated how her father treated her growing up and she would breakup and get back together constantly with these men that treated her like crap.  they would get drunk and they would yell.  they would talk down to her and they would make her feel like she wasn't worth anything that was worthwhile.  she was a flower that had bloomed in the beginning of spring, but a flower that was so beautiful and yet placed in a closet, in a basement, and never showcased by those that she cared about.  she was placed in these places to wither up and just get by on the occasional good word or two that would be given to her.

and she almost gave up at different points.  she spent time in hospitals and she lost her way here and there.  she ran to other places to start over and she travelled to forget the past.  she tried therapy because she could see what she was going through was killing her and she wanted to find a new way to live.  she never stayed in therapy for very long though.  it's tough to face the past, especially when she thought she had the answers and knew which way to turn next.  controlling her own life, she moved on.

and she met a new guy.  he was a nice guy she thought.  he worked out and had a nice smile.  he treats me nice and means well.  he just gets angry every once in awhile when he drinks, but he's working on it.  he'll be okay.  i love this man that has yelled at me for no good reason in the past.  that is behind him now.  i know it.  i'm so good, he will change his ways with me. 

there was a guy too that was a really good friend of this girl.  she and him shared all their secrets about the past to one another and told each other how they truly felt at any given time.  sure he liked her, loved her even.  they shared a kiss one time in the very beginning of knowing one another.  he tried on multiple occasions to start a relationship with this girl.  he wanted to treat her the way that she should be treated.  he knew she was special.  he could talk to her about anything and could laugh with her about the world.  at the same time, he could enjoy his time with her without having the relationship and looked forward to chatting with her whenever it happened.

he looked forward to her on a daily basis because he felt alone in the world.  he was going through his own things too and one night he started to plan the end of it all.  he reached out to her and she helped him through this time of trouble like he had in the past for her.  they always looked out for each other.  she asked him to come and stay with her for awhile to get away from his problems for a bit.  he went to his family and they agreed that it would be a good idea. 

she told him that she was not with her man anymore when she originally told him to stay with her, but that they were working things out.  this is the guy that was treating her poorly before, but she thought that he was really trying and she wanted to work things out.  she ultimately decided that the guy she had shared so much with throughout the years shouldn't come because he would obviously want to be looking for a relationship again and she didn't think that would be fair for the ex that she wanted to reconcile with.  she cited the fact that history repeats and she doesn't want that to happen. 

and now she is back together with him.  just like how she got back together with the boyfriends of the past.  she sees that he has really tried hard to change his entire way of being in the last couple months and that he is going to be on the straight and narrow now.  history surely doesn't repeat for people like him, or like her.  she isn't trying to find someone like her dad.  she isn't living over and over again with a relationship where the guy treats her like shit.  no, no.  that isn't repeating.  no, what is repeating is that this damn guy i have known for so long, who actually cares about me and has never treated me like crap keeps saying that he wants me as a girlfriend.  what nerve!  i got this guy right now who treats me like shit occasionally, but he is turning it around.  you'll see.  i will fix this relationship because i owe it to myself because i couldn't do it with my father.  that's what i am gonna do.  i won't just accept someone who cares about me and that's it.  that would be too easy.  i don't deserve that.

things may be good now, but she believes that history repeats.  her friend hopes she is prepared then for what she has done to herself again.  it's gonna happen.  it may not be now, next week, or next month...but, it's going to happen.  she says so herself.  and then what?  who's next?  who can fix her? 

as the sun sets

he grabbed his iced tea and walked out onto the porch.  sitting down in the fading sun, he heard the voices of crickets in the fields around him.  the rocking chair creaked as he started to sway.  he had surely seen his fair share of sunsets.  grey now, his hair had receded back from it's once youthful abundance.  his face and hands were seasoned and wrinkled from a life spent living and working like anybody else.  he took a sip of his drink as kids rode by his rancher on the dirt road that his house sat next to.  he waved and smiled into the sky.

oh, to be young again he thought to himself.  to be able to do it all over again!  how he wished for those days again when he could carry maggie lee's books home from school.  he remembered his first car and taking it downtown the first chance he could to show it off to his friends.  he was so athletic back then.  picturing himself running down the field during high school football games and hearing the crowd scream as he crossed the goal line  he closed his eyes and relished in the memories.  he opened his eyes and looked all around him.

and there was nothing around him.  his house was out in the middle of nowhere with about a mile in between houses.  his wife, nicole, passed away from cancer about four years earlier and he was now just waiting for his time.  he thought of his time left on earth as a precursor to his time to come in heaven.  he questioned the lord for a time about why he took his beloved first, but that time had come and gone now.  he knew that the things in life happened for a reason and he would just relax his soul in his final days of life.

yes, he took a sip from his perspiring glass and brushed the drops off his shirt that fell from the bottom of the glass.  he wiped his forehead with the back of his hand and let out a sigh.  the sun was coming down the sky now at a good pace and he anticipated the color show to pick up at any moment as the ball of fire made it's way toward the tree line in the distance.

it reminded him of his days as a truck driver.  he would take his loads across the entire nation and he sat back in his chair and rocked away while thinking of all the magnificent sunsets he had witnessed.  all the colors he had seen painted across the most beautiful canvas ever created.  the pinks and oranges mixing with purples and blues set his mind into utter awe as he kept his motor cruising down the highway into the unknown.  driving was a time of peace for him when he was out on the open road with nobody around.  he was fine being by himself for long stretches of time.  he remembered how he used to sing out loud in his cab while the sounds of the day filtered through his ears.  oh, how that brought a smile to his face.

he remembered that feeling he had as he walked back through the door, of the very home he sat in front of now, to see nicole turn from prepping dinner in the kitchen and how she would run to him and kiss his lips.  it was the best reward for a job well done he could ever had asked for and she gave that gift to him every time he came back home to her.  she was all that he could ever had hoped for in life.  she had a smile that only god could have provided him.  she was a dedication from god to him.  how he missed her.  he kept her voice running in his head all day long now.  he longed to hear her yell to him that dinner would be ready soon and could he set the table.  one day soon it would be again he thought.

he gazed off into the distance.  he practically was looking through the distance now and into what was to be.  he was content with his life.  he didn't do much to improve the world, but the people around him improved his life and he liked to think that he helped the people he knew as much as he could.  he raised a good family and his children were parents now themselves doing the best they could for their own.  this put a smile on his face.  what more could he have asked for?  by no means was he rich monetarily, but his life had been a landslide of royalties that made him the richest man in the world.

he had loved.  he was loved.  he appreciated.  he was appreciated. 

now, as the sun set underneath the horizon, he got up slowly from his chair out on the porch and stretched his back and arms.  he turned towards the door and made his way.  he turned the knob and pushed it open.  he heard his kids scream daddy with huge smiles on their faces as they ran to him.  he picked them up.  one in each arm and kissed them on their heads as the dog barked and wagged his tail frantically beside them.  his wife peeked around the corner and walked up to him with a smirk on her face.  he set the kids down and took his best friend in the whole world into his arms as she welcomed him home.

What Are Your Demands?

Today was my first public demonstration. I, like many others, have felt that my government has failed me. I am not too sure if it ever was succeeding for me in the first place. Sure, I have had an education given to me through high school and I live in a free country that gives me the ability to write what I am about to write, but I feel that the ability to grow and to become successful in our current environment is hard at best. That is why I believe in the Occupy Together movement and stand in solidarity with those around the country in Occupy demonstrations. This morning, I had to become a part of the solution as opposed to just complaining about the problems.

I walked up to the park in front of the Selby Library at 9:30am to find a group already assembled and we talked one at a time to each other about what we were so against. It was a group of about fifty or so and the people came from all facets of life. There was young, old, rich, and poor. We all came from different angles of the social spectrum, but we all had a common voice. That voice spoke out to the fact that there is something fundamentally wrong with America, we have little say right now in how things are being handled, and that we wanted to find a way to empower ourselves again. After we all greeted each other, we took to the streets with our signs and our voices.

And we marched. We took our voices up and down Main St. We parked our campaign in front of major banking institutions like Bank of America and Suntrust Bank. As we walked and chanted slogans like, "WHO GOT BAILED OUT? BANKS GOT BAILED OUT! WHO GOT SOLD OUT? WE GOT SOLD OUT!", people not involved with the protests looked on in the beautiful Florida sunshine. Others in cars and trucks that drove by put there windows down to hear what we were saying. Most of the people that went by gave us the thumbs up, or smiled, and others honked their horns as they drove by. And yes, a handful of people yelled back at us to get a job, or that they disagreed and that we should go home. All of these were acceptable answers to us because even if you were displeased with what we were saying, our message was getting out there to the masses and that message would stick in the minds of those that saw and heard it.

We made our way back to the park around 12:30pm and we gathered to chat to passerby's who had questions for us. A lot of the people that had questions about our movement had similar questions and seemed to have been misinformed by the media as to what we were doing out there. Someone that I was talking to made it seem like the only goal of our operation was that we were looking for some kind of handout from the rich. This is far from the truth.

I can tell you what I was there for, and what a lot of others there would agree with. The government is corrupted by corporations. The corporations run today by the 1% of our nation have a stranglehold on our entire country and all that inhabit it. My goal in my life is to see that corporations are no longer allowed to be viewed in this country as a person and should not be allowed to donate a single penny to any political campaign or party. Politicians in this country are bought figures who do only as the corporations say for them to do. This country is for the people, not for the business of the elite. Politicians are put into office to represent the people and to accurately judge what the majority of people in their district want so that their lives become better. It is not to institute zero regulations on major businesses and help them to create a monopoly over the lives of the American public. Maybe if we instituted campaign finance reform to eliminate businesses from being able to influence politicians, and also create term limits for Congress, we can start on a road to what the people need again.

I read earlier in the week that the average politician is worth half a million dollars. Half a million dollars. How on Earth can someone who is worth that kind of money, who spends all their time in Washington D.C. know what it is like to be poor? To have debt up to their ears from college loans, or unethical credit card companies? To have to drive to work and have a job, if they are lucky, which has paid them the same wage over the past 5 years or so, while in that time span the average income for those in the 1% has gone up over 200%? Politicians don't know what it's like, and they don't care. What they are worried about is staying in power and continuing to stay in power and doing whatever it takes and shake whatever hand is necessary in order to maintain the status quo. Politicians in office today are parasites and they feed off the poorest of Americans, which is turning out to be more and more everyday, the 99%. Me and you.

People asked us, "What do you want? What are you goals? How do you plan on fixing all this?" It is a hard question to answer as we are in such a stage of infancy of this movement that the conclusions are unclear. What I can tell you is that this movement is not going away. Eventually, a consensus as to what actions need to take place will be made, but for now, voicing our concerns and our unhappiness will have to do. This displeasure is popping up more and more everyday all across the country from major cities like New York City to smaller cities like here in Sarasota. The goals of the movement are simply to affect change and to bring about social reform where the rights of all people are taken into account based on our Constitution and not based on the boardroom of a company out for itself and it's top shareholders. We are hear right now to let it be known that this is not going to take place on our watch anymore and that something has to give. And we can do it. And we will do it. There are more of us than them and all corrupt empires fall. We represent all of those that are oppressed: unemployed, employed, black, white, red, brown, teachers, policemen, firemen, small business owners. Anyone who has felt the backhand of our government over the past few decades. It is time to wake up and we are ready to go.

I had an extremely educational day. I have learned that for the most part, the media has gotten this wrong. There is no savagery. There is no unsanitary conditions. This was a peaceful day that promoted a message that we are all Americans and that as Americans we need to look out for each other because if you really think that the ones that we elected have our best interests in mind then you need to look up the word naive in the dictionary.

Finally, I heard many great things on my walk around Sarasota today, but one of the best things that I heard was when someone I was protesting with was asked what his demands were. He replied, "I am not a terrorist. I have no demands."

We are seeking true freedom and a true democracy in a peaceful manner.

sitting, waiting in the grass

in a tiny town, in a big state, there sat some land in a faraway place. it was a little off the beaten path, but not to far from the cars that buzz by the highway a mile or so away. on this plot of land, sat a place of commerce. it was a building that stood like an old blues man sitting on a stool. a little slanted to one side, but still kept living strong. the land sported patches of grass, but mostly dirt, which whipped up into little vortexes everyone now and then when the spirits moved through.

behind the building was a cemetery of sorts. it was filled with cars and trucks. this was a junkyard. this is where cars were brought to die. this is where they were brought when everyone had given up on them. they sat there in the back of the yard. they sat there and waited for their guts to be removed one by one until there was nothing left but just a shell of what they used to be. they sat there dented and damaged from the past. they sat there and remembered what it had been like long ago.

one car in particular yearned for the way it was. he remembered when he sat in the showroom brand new, ready to take on the rigors of life. he harked on the moment that he saw his first owners come in and take him out of the dealership, no longer alone, but with his new family. he took them wherever they wanted to go. they went on trips out of state and he brought them to work everyday. he was always there for them and they appreciated him and took care of him in return. he welcomed the addition to their family and gladly took care of it as best he could. after a few years though, that family grew apart from each other and the wife went away with the child. the husband could no longer enjoy him like he had before as it reminded him of the past and so one day he brought the car to a used car dealership and just traded him away for another car. it was over and he was back where he started, waiting for someone new to come along. waiting to make someone happy again.

and that time came after a month or two. the owner came in and said they just needed something to get around in. the car knew that he was no longer new, but knew that he could make this man happy. they drove off together and he was neglected from the very start. the man paid no attention to him. he talked all the time on his phone and slammed on the accelerator and the brakes all the time. the man would not change his oil on time and he got into fender benders here and there and wouldn't fix the car. the vehicle wished for the past, but knew that the past was just a memory. the future was the only thing left.

one day, in a blink of an eye, an older woman came by the house where the car was parked and she drove away with the car, who was now 11 years old. his insides knocked and he needed new tires and the woman did all she could to rejuvenate the car, but it was no use. the car tried all it could to get her to where she wanted to go, and understood her attempts at saving him, but she didn't have the money for the parts that he needed. one day, as he was taking her to work, he broke down on the side of the highway and she got out and walked away from him. later, he was picked up by a tow truck and was taken to where he sits today.

the grass was growing up around his tires and the rain was just collecting on his roof. the car looked around at the carcasses that sat scattered around him and he wept inside for another shot. another chance. he could make someone happy again. he just needed to be cared for in return. he could be what he used to be if he was believed in by someone, anyone. so far, nothing of his had been parted out for sale and he just hoped that someone would need him.

and one day it happened. a kid came into the backyard and saw him. he remembered the cars from when they came out with this body style years ago and appreciated it and wanted it. he just wanted to see if the engine would still turn over. if he could drive it the short distance to his home, so that he could fix him up, he would keep him. the car was nervous. he wanted nothing more than to start just one more time so that he could leave this place he was brought to die to. the kid sat in the driver seat and took the keys from the worker and put it in the ignition.

he turned the key and the car tried to breathe again, like before. it chugged and chugged and tried with all his might to turn over just one more time and get out of that place. just one more time, it thought. you can do it...you can do this. believe you can. and he clenched and shimmied and turned over his engine into an engulfing roar of victory! he did it! he was ready to go with the kid who had a delightful grin on his face.

of course the ride back home was a grueling one with aches and pains of the past, but the car focused on the future. he was ready to be fixed up and helped along by the ones that loved him. he was ready to make a difference to someone again. he was ready to be meaningful again...

and he was so grateful.

sorry isn't a big enough word

i need to say i'm sorry, but i keep looking for the words that you will hear from me that could make a difference. i know i messed up miserably and if i can just get one more chance from you, i would make a difference in it all. i know that you don't want to hear from me right now. i know that i am not what people say you need at all in your life.

all i wish for is just one chance to show you and to show them all the truth. i have lied to you about this and that. i have lied and done things behind your back. i just want for you to see that that isn't me. i am sorry that i hurt you so bad. i am sorry that you never even want to turn back and see my face again. i know that what i did was wrong, over and over again i said things that just weren't true. i know that if i got just one more shot, just one more chance, i can make you happy and make you laugh. from the time that i get up until the sky goes black, i think of how i can get you back. i don't think that the chances exist, but i have to hold on to the possibility it can.

when we weren't hanging out i did something i regret. i just didn't want you to know that it went down the way it did. i just want to take this moment to say how sorry i am. the decision to not tell you right away has driven you so far away from me and i don't know what to do, but i wish that we could talk for a minute or two. i am just wishing for that shot.

sitting in the bar just the other day, i gave you my things so that i'd be okay. you helped me out with a hug and said it'd be okay. knowing right now that i will never see your face again, or hear your laugh, it destroys my soul in ways that can't be imagined. i know what i did was wrong, but i can't go back and change the past. all that i can do is prove to you that i am not that man. i am not that man i swear. my days and nights since that friday night have been filled with meetings and your glowing face and i just don't know what to do anymore because i don't have your soul to bounce things off of my mind. i wish that i could turn back time. i wish for one last chance to show you what i am inside.

i am not this cloud of deception and lies. i may not show it all the time, but i can make you happy in your life. i just need to do the things that will make me grow. i need to make sure that i do things right. if my word is my bond, i have made a joke of my life. i just want to tell the world what's in my heart. i am a liar and a thief of the heart. i know i hurt you really bad and i am sorry.

i don't want to ever hurt you again. if we never talk again i understand, but i just wish for one more chance to prove to you that i can beat this thing in my life that tries to control me in my mind. i have found god again and he is going to lead me to the light. i just wish that you can find it deep inside to let me in your life. the regret that i have has filled me up and the blame that i have is on fire inside. it is so hard not to hear anything you say, i wish all of the past went away. i wish that you could see me from this point on and know that i'm a good man, but right now i'm not and i can't go back and it hurts me, but that is life.

i understand if you never give me another hello. i just hope that this isn't goodbye.

i am so sorry. please give me another shot.

no, no...after you.

he put on his pajamas and grabbed his alarm clock from the nightstand, setting it to his usual time. climbing into bed, he prayed that tomorrow would be better and then he shut his eyes and fell asleep.

he awoke to the blare of a ac/dc tune and he jumped out of bed with a great smile on his face. he went into the bathroom and did all the usual bathroom morning things, ate breakfast and walked out the door. he skipped down the stairs of his apartment complex and got to the front door. he noticed an older gentleman who was coming inside from the snow and he decided to do his first good deed of the day and hold open the door for this gingerly fellow. the old man didn't look up, or even say a word, as he slid by the open door and went on his way toward his home.

he made his own way outside and toward his car in the parking lot on the side of the building. he climbed in and turned on the defroster and waited for the ice to melt on his windshield a little bit before he could scrape off the ice. next to him, he noticed a woman who was trying to use her credit card to deice her car, so he walked over and tried to give her a hand. she told him to please back away from the car, and that everything was fine. he turned around, got back to his car, scraped away the night air, and got in his car to go to work.

driving along the freeway, the traffic was pretty heavy. he didn't have very many miles to drive on it, so he stuck himself in the right lane and went on his way, listening to guster on the radio. while tapping his fingers to the beat of the bongo player, he noticed that his exit was coming up, but traffic was thick for the other drivers who needed to get over. he noticed a blue sedan to his left with the blinker on, and so he slowed down to let the person make their exit. as the blue car driver made his way into the lane, he noticed that he had his hand up and his middle finger extended back towards him.

he sat down at his desk a few minutes early, and noticed that nobody had made coffee yet. not being a coffee drinker himself, he got up and walked over to the station and decided to give it a whirl and let other people have coffee right away as they came in from the cold. after the pot was done brewing, people started to shuffle in from outside and grabbing cups to fill with the morning brew. they didn't ask how it got there, or who made it. a few of the people made funny faces after taking a sip and throwing the cups away, complaining about the taste. some of them just took the coffee and walked away, going about their day as if the shit magically made itself.

after work, he got in his car and went to the supermarket. he noticed a homeless man outside and was asked for any spare change. he told the guy that he might be able to spare what he could after he bought something. he went inside and corralled some things in his basket and walked up to the only person working a register just as another person walked up as well. as the person ahead of them grabbed their bags and walked away, the woman next to him didn't look or say a word and proceeded to go next with the cashier. he bit his lip and allowed it.

he paid for his few items and received 37 cents change. he collected his bags and walked out the automatic exit doors to see the homeless man still waiting there with the hopes of some money. he put down his bags and dug into his pocket and gave him the 37 cents. the homeless man took the change and looked at it with disappointment and asked him for more. he told him that he couldn't do anything with 37 cents. he apologized and said that that was all he had to spare.

he went home and cooked his food. he watched tv alone. he did the dishes from dinner, took a shower, and walked into his bedroom. he put on his pajamas, set his alarm, and got into bed.

he sat in his bed with his eyes open in the dark. he shoved the sheets off of his body and got out of bed. he stammered over to his window and slid it open. he took a deep breath and yelled outside as loud as he could:

"YOU'RE FUCKING WELCOME!!!"

a very real update...

it's time to reflect. it's also time to give an update on my life. it's time to tell you where i am at and where i am going and what i have been doing. it's time to come clean.

i turned 31 years old yesterday. to be honest, i never really expected to live this long so far. it's true. i always thought that i would have crashed and burned in the urban oasis of boston back some years ago. like a cockroach, i survived the atomic strike on my life and came out the other end shaking the fallout from off my collar.

i stayed in new jersey for some time before coming to florida. i was a fool for coming, but i had to give it a shot. it was for a girl with eyes that pierced my heart and i wanted my soul to be near them. it wasn't to be, but i gave myself this idea that i would stay. to finish something that i started. being here for so long now, i don't know what i started. i tell people that i am going back to school. it's been three years.

right now, i am sitting in an apartment in bradenton, florida writing this to tell people that i have no idea what the hell happened. i mean, i know what took place, but it all happened so fast. one minute, i am moving into a new apartment in florida and then next minute, i am staring down the barrel of an eviction that is soon to take place because i don't have 200 dollars to my name. at 31.

this apartment is not much at all really, but it is a roof over my head. today i got into a screaming match with my landlord because she told me not to bother her with non-emergencies after 10pm. my electric went out in my apartment two nights ago and i text messaged her to ask her to hit the circuit breaker that was located in her closed garage. i didn't fall asleep in the florida heat that night until four in the morning.

i also complained to her that my dishwasher didn't work and that i didn't enjoy the two inch palmetto cockroaches that i would see climb up my wall, but that was in one ear and out the other i presume. she complained to me that i didn't have a job. i shouted back that it wasn't my plan to get a new apartment and lose my job two days after moving in. she told me that she didn't want to support me and that she specifically wanted someone that worked so that the a/c wouldn't run during the day.

it's not so much that it is a bad situation, but more that i know i am better than it. the one thing that i know is free is my breath. i will always have that. i have always thought that my words could never be taken away from me either, and they cannot, but my eyes are the only ones that have seen what i have seen and know what i have done.

when i wake up tomorrow, i am going to go to work. i'm going to help drive cars for my father. i remember when i was 17 and arrived in boston and felt the city and the potential. that was 14 years ago. i have more to give than this. maybe florida isn't the answer.

i mean do i really want to finish what i have started here?

the phillies recap 08/25/2010 - a loss...again

the philadelphia phillies stepped onto the field tonight hoping to catch ground with the atlanta braves in the battle for the nl east. what ended up happening was another failed attempt at victory against a mediocre ball club with one of the best pitchers on the mound in our efforts. yes, the phillies offense had failed again as they lost 3-2.

after last nights debacle of a game, where the team only could muster two runs in 16 innings, the phillies hoped to bounce back with roy halladay on the mound against former phillie j.a. happ. it was not to be.

ryan howard was given the night off, although he did get a pinch hit single in the ninth, the team failed to drive him in from first with two outs. besides that, the lineup was intact and could not muster up any meaningful innings at the plate. this is becoming a problem.

it's not the pitching that is the issue here and maybe it's just a case of the lineup needing to settle down and play together more. the team has fielded it's projected opening day lineup only 10 times this year which is pretty amazing since they are so close to the atlanta braves in the chase for the top position.

i'm not saying that i am concerned just yet, but it is a small worry that i have when you play at home and in three games score less than ten runs against an okay squad. this right now is the phillies chance to reclaim the lead in the east with the braves getting swept by the rockies and to not take advantage of it could be a big reason when we look back later on as to why they are battling for a wild card spot and not cruising into the playoffs as division champs.

let's hope that tomorrow night brings a nice performance and we can move on from this because i can't even say that i'm angry just yet...just confused with it all. how can a team with this much firepower be so dead. i feel like when a man reaches first base, we hit a homerun. at the beginning of the year, i felt that even if we were five runs down, we would score six in the very next inning, and we usually did. now, i feel that being down one run is a dagger to the jugular.

i'm not seeing the spark. i'm not seeing the swagger. there is no confidence at the plate.

blame who you will, but a loss is a loss. the braves don't care how it's happening.

the return of the attack of the killer buicks

i can't take it anymore. you may think that it happens everywhere and i'm being dramatic. you may think that i need to just calm down. i tell you to take heed at what i proclaim in the following paragraphs and prepare yourself for the possibility that one day you will encounter driving in florida. one day you will develop the hate that i do for the elderly and oldsmobiles, or the young and their lifted four-wheeling pickup trucks.

one of the main things that needs to be known about driving here, as opposed to new jersey, is that there are no such things as jughandles. in new jersey for those that don't know, we have them. they are an exit ramp on all roads that come back around to an intersection that you go thru that you would like to go across, or to make a left turn to go back the way you came. in florida, if you want to make a left turn, you turn from the left lane.

what ends up happening is that you get no order of speed. in new jersey, and a lot of other places, if you want to drive slow, you get in the right lane. want to speed up a little because you may only be 30 minutes early to your doctor's appointment for an enlarged prostate? try the middle lane. if you really wanna push the boundaries of the speed limits and what cops may or may not pull you over for, then you my friend can observe the left lane. florida is a free for all. any lane is available for driving well below the speed limit. time after time, i see that bumbling cadillac moping down the road in the left lane preparing to make that turn in 3 miles. god forbid that you use the middle lane and change lanes when you approach the turn you need.

inevitably, this leads to the insurgence of the road rage out-of-staters, or the under 70 crowd that grows tiresome of waiting for these slugs of life to get out of the way and they all resort to weaving in and out of traffic like a game of Spy Hunter. it's either that or you tailgate the fiber out of the person's ass in front of you. all in all, driving down a normal city road in the towns of florida is either for the blind who don't know they are in the way, or it makes the normal humans conjure up the ability for one second to actually think about knocking on someone's car window, having the person roll it down, and throw newborn babies at them while screaming the most vile words imaginable.

i have seen some other crazy things to that the road ragers end up doing while most likely being pissed off. many times i have witnessed a driver weave from the far right lane and make a left turn on a three lane road. i have seen the same douchebags make a three lane bee-line for an exit on the highway and cut off about three or four elderly people that almost brake to a halt and reach for their inhalers. i also believe that every driver in the state of florida has a woody for their high beams as well. i almost always drive now with my rearview mirror tilted to the tint setting as the old folks need that extra light from god to get home.

i don't really have any fixes for this problem of driving here, but it does feel good to get some of it out. i think the bottom line is that i wish i had my own lane where i can go ten miles over the speed limit and never see the back of a buick, oldsmobile, or cadillac. the one good thing is that you don't have to worry as much about the terrible driving after 8 o'clock since they are all getting ready for bed after catching the early bird special at denny's.

a story about a house

i am a large house with many rooms and many places to sit. i have wide hallways and no carpets. i am an empty wall. white paint with bright lights. the kitchen is steel and appliances. the floor is tiled and cold. i've walked around this house for a long time.

it's funny that for being in this house for so long, i still come across new rooms all the time. they are on different floors that i have never been on and they are at the ends of different corridors that i find myself wandering.

some of the rooms have been opened before of course and i have spent some time in each one. i leave some of the rooms that i like open, so that i can go in them again. if you talk really loud in some of them the sound just bellows off of one wall to another and reverberates throughout the house. all of the rooms have two seats in them and i try to sit in them from time to time, but just find myself talking to myself. it gets old after awhile. i just pick myself up from one seat and move into the other seat and reply.

some of the other rooms in my house i have closed again. when i close the rooms, they lock behind me and the key that i have won't work in them again, so i need to be really careful that i want to close them. some of the rooms that i closed off just remind me of things that i don't want to remember, or they have pictures on the walls that i don't like.

a couple months ago, i came across this room that i never had seen before and the door was bright with all the colors of the rainbow splattered on it. there was loud music playing from inside and i just knew that i hadn't been in it before. i turned the knob and opened it to find you standing there smiling at me.

i felt like i knew you right away as we sat down to talk. everything that you said sounded like something that i could have said. it was funny. it was insightful. and you were beautiful.

i remembered how to get to your room and would go back all the time. we'd sit as the music played and would laugh and just pass the time. i asked if you would like to come around and look at the rest of the house with me. we walked and walked all over the property. up the stairs and down the stairs. to the far reaches of the mansion. a lot of the rooms we couldn't go into for some reason because my key wouldn't work, so we just kept going forward.

we would peek our heads into the ones we could though and found some great things to do. it seemed that the most fun that i had however, was when we just sat down at the two chairs that would be in the room, whether they be soft, reclining chairs, or foldout chairs in the basement, and just talk about the world and life.

one day when we were talking, i had said something about wanting to eat, and you got up and declared that you would make sandwiches and you raced out of the room towards the kitchen. while you were away, i took a peek around just to see if i had missed anything that i hadn't seen before. i went over to your bed and took a glance at your bedside table and noticed that it had a drawer to it. it's funny, but i hadn't noticed it from all the times that we had talked and i didn't even know if she knew it was there either.

i slid open the tiny, thin drawer and smiled at the contents. a key. it was bright, shiny and new. when you came back, you saw me standing there with it and i explained that i found it when looking on your table. i told her that i thought that it may be for all the rooms that we couldn't go into before. we talked while we ate about all the possibilities that may await if we just take the chance and open them just to see what would be inside. at the same time though, it felt pretty good just living the way we were. we sat and mulled the idea for what seemed like eternity and finally she got up, looked me in the eyes, smiled and said...

"let's go exploring!"

she grabbed my hand and we left her room, running down the halls laughing.

a new spin on things

there is this great calvin and hobbes comic that starts with calvin and hobbes both standing next to each other on the sidewalk in the middle of the day. calvin turns to hobbes and tells him to think about this block that they were on as their life. they look back at the first crack and calvin explains how that is the beginning of their lives and the crack in front of them is the end of their lives. everything that they do in between the two cracks is what makes up their lives and they better be proud of what they did because the end comes faster than you think.

the last panel shows the boy and tiger in the exact same spot, staring at their feet in total darkness.

i'm in the middle of my sidewalk and i have taken a moment to stop and tell you where i am at right now and the next step forward that i plan on taking. i have been told to remain positive, and that kind of reminds me of this thing that i read a couple weeks ago where the author said that even if you aren't feeling great, or things aren't going as they should, you should still act positive. they said that even putting on the facade of positivity will in turn bring positiveness to your life.

i don't know if i buy that. it kind of seems like being a little fake, or not letting people see how you truly feel, but i think i may be getting to the point where maybe people don't want to see someone who may be glum on certain days. i'm sure it's not a blast to be around somebody who isn't on their "A" game. things haven't been top notch yet either, so trying something new may be fun.

so...

i have been working at my job now for the past four months and it's been great! i have had a wonderful time struggling to learn this new job. every day that i go into work, i learn an exciting new challenging task while still doing things that i have been learning from previous days. my new job has taught me to even further develop my multi-tasking capabilities because i am given tasks by people who come up to my desk, by people that call me on the phone, by people who send me e-mails and through text messages! i think it's amazing the amount of work that i can get done everyday. i can see why i don't get a lunch break. who needs it anyway?

i am planning on moving into a new apartment in september. i love moving! the process of taking all of my things and packing them up into boxes to move isn't totally awesome, but it sure is something to do on a nice day outside. i have been dealing with some interesting potential landlords. i haven't met one yet that i have been completely comfortable with, but i know that it will happen soon enough. i may even be staying at the owner of my company's second house down the street from the office. that would be nice. 100 dollars a week with everything included will really give me a nice opportunity to be independent and to be able to save up some money. i am hoping that that goes through.

let's see, what else? oh yea, i am hoping that i can go to school next month. it would be nice to take some writing classes again. i think i am supposed to be here to write and i haven't done it to the capacity that i would have liked to up to this point, but that is all changing come september. the college isn't that far from anywhere that i am potentially going to live, so that's a good thing. i haven't taken a college class in about 10 years, but i know that i will do better than i did then! that was a mess back then! haha!

i met a girl that i like! she's definitely a breath of fresh air and although nothing is going on between us right now, i still am holding out hope for the future. she even knows it this time which is a plus and still seems to want to talk to me. i meet up with her and her friends a lot to play pool and hang out. it's been nice to actually hang out with people near my age group too. laughing has been great and i look forward to laughing more.

florida sure has been a challenge so far, but i feel that the next month could be a real page turner. i am ready to take another step forward on my sidewalk. hopefully, if i just do the right things and have the right outlook, i will be rewarded with all the right outcomes.

if not, my birthday is on the 15th of september. address to come...

a story about a tree

the seed was put into the ground one day years ago and everyone waited for it to come out of the soil and reach for the sun. some days while they waited, it rained and other days it was sunny, but they all gathered around the plot of ground that would give new life to the earth. it would have growing pains, and it would have good times. it would bask in the rays of the sunrise, and it would sleep during the moonlit nights.

and the sprout grew out and said hello to the world. the crowd of people gathered around it and praised this new thing that had appeared before them. some held each other close, while others danced around it. all of the people that had waited for it were smiling and grateful that the little guy was okay.

you could tell from the early days that this tree had the potential to be one of the great ones. it dug it's roots deep and made it's branches grow with the power of a tree 3 times it's age. it all seemed so easy to the sapling, and the people who gathered around nodded with approval and praise.

during it's young life, the tree was hit by hard times when some that were around him became enraged with others that this plant had taken up so much time from the ones that they wanted to be with. they shunned him ultimately. they tried to discourage the growth by snapping at it's twigs and kicking away the dirt from it's base. the tree still tried to grow up properly, but it had started to become hardened by the meanness of others.

he couldn't run away from it either. it would get worse as he grew, and the tree was showing signs of the abuse that had come his way. he developed a disease on his trunk and it stunted his growth. the few that were left that hadn't abandoned this once promising tree tried with all their might to patch the wounds that had afflicted it, but they couldn't do enough. the tree looked down at those that were there for him and appreciated all the help, but things were just going to be more difficult from this point forward.

he wasn't going to be the giant, blossoming plant that people expected. he might not even end up being like the others that had grown past him in recent years. his roots were strong though and he knew that things could be alright if he could just fix himself and grow again.

sometimes, a few people come around to the tree and point at it and put fertilizer down at it's base and tell each other about how great this tree could have been. they pat down the soil and rub it's bark and wonder what could have been. he hears all of that and appreciates the thoughts, but knows that those are words of failure.

the tree stands still, but that gives it time to observe everything. it sees a lot of the people that were once here, are not now. he wants to prove them wrong. he wants to be accepted as a great thing again. the sun shines down on it still and the rain gives life to it's soul. this tree will be great again.

this tree is not done yet.

The Day That Was

"I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."

- Invictus by William Ernest Henley

The daily grind of the everyday hustle and bustle, or even the dreadfully dull, can become redundant and tiresome. From a bird's eye view, we must appear to be ants among smaller ants. We run this way and that. We go to work and we come home from work. We eat at the same places for lunch. We all answer our phones at work the same way and we all try to do the jobs we are given in the hopes that we make our money to enjoy the weekends or the free time that we do have.

Through all of the hard work and living the lives we lead, we are given our breaks from stress. We are given time to leave it all behind. It can be spent with family and friends. It can be alone on a porch with a cold beer and the sounds of summer. It can reward you with clarity and direction. It can be a time for you to just breathe. It is the dessert of life.

And sometimes, it comes with whipped cream and a cherry on top.

While mulling through some paperwork and dealing with the telephone this morning at work, I navigated my way to the United States versus Algeria soccer match at the World Cup. The anticipation for this match had strangled me right up until the opening kick and I was not to miss the event. I had the match on with no speaker volume in a little window on the corner of my computer and tried to check in every now and then.

The U.S. needed victory bad for many reasons. They needed to score one more goal than the desert foxes from Algeria to ensure a birth in the 16 team tournament that awaited the victor. A loss here would send the Americans packing up their bags to head home to a plethora of media badgering and ignorant folks who would just dog soccer again. A loss would have ended any real shot at the growth of soccer for a very long time.

As the game drew close to the finish, the score was still tied at 0-0 and I could feel myself deflate as a tie would do us no good. When an assistant referee posted four minutes of extra time, I could already hear the sports talk old-timers pointing their fingers and calling soccer a non-issue.

Then, in a blink of an eye, Landon Donovan caught a rebounded shot off goal and slammed home a goal that shattered the new century with the alarm of a new era. By this time, I had stopped all work, jumped out of my seat and cheered. My twitter feed erupted in a fury of nationalism that I had not seen in a very long time. The United States went on to win the game 1-0 and secured themselves in the tournament, playing Saturday against Ghana.

The whipped cream can go on top, thanks.

After the rest of the day at work and after watching Invictus, I put on the Phillies game against the Indians with the Phillies down a run. Chase Utley had just protected the one run deficit with a great double play in the top of the 9th as the Phils came up to bat. With Valdez on second base, Jimmy Rollins stepped to the plate. Hitless since coming back from an injury that had sidelined him most of the year he took the count to 1-1 as Kerry Wood drew in and delivered a meatball that Rollins delivered to the right field seats. That's right, the Phillies won in dramatic, walk-off fashion 7-6.

Days like this keep people going. Today is an amazing example of living life to enjoy life. It was a reason to deal with all the peripheral things that really don't matter in the end. Sport is an amazing thing that wraps your soul in intrigue and wonder. Some days are just better than others. Some days you just have to stand and applaud even if you are the only one in the room. Some days, sport applauds your efforts.

I think I'll have two cherries on top, please.

my day at the doctor's office

so, i woke up today a little earlier than usual. i was up and at em at about 8 o'clock to get to my first real physical in over a decade at the doctor's office. to be honest, i really hate doctors or hospitals. i am not really sure why, maybe it is the old people. i left the house at about 8:40 and got to my appointment on time.

i was shuffled into the examination room and was told to sit down. i was given a blood pressure test and i was like 116/90. the 90 part was kind of high, but she said it was because i hadn't had a chance to rest. she checked my pulse, but didn't tell me what that was, so i assume i wasn't dead. then, she asked me some general questions about things and told me to take off all my clothes except my undershorts. undershorts? um, ok...

right around then, i thought it was funny that i wore boxer shorts today because it'd be hilarious to think as a doctor just wandering into a room with a fully nude man sitting on a communal chair with both socks on and wearing a watch. i sat there in my seat though, in my boxers, and awaited the doc.

she walked in and greeted me. she was nice and made me feel comfortable. i told her about how i had lost 20 pounds recently and she told me to keep it up and my blood pressure should get even better. now, if any of you really no me, you will know that i get freaking amazingly dry skin. especially where a unibrow would be and the sides of my nostrils. well, i haven't been to a doctor and told her about it. she said it was psoriasis. okay, that's not life threatening. i can deal with that. i even had a cream at home that i never thought to use on it because i thought it was eczema, but i didn't mention that at the time.

also, some of you may have seen this before or not with me, but i have had this problem with my hands and fingers for a long time. they shake upon movement. it is really annoying. i have been doing it since i was like 13. i remember back in the day, not being able to eat a real watery kind of soup because i would sometimes lose the contents on the spoon on the way to my mouth! even to this day, i sometimes have issues with placing small things or moving things. about a month ago, i took some change and put it in a pile between my pointer finger and thumb and when i went to give it to a cashier in a drive-thru, all the change started to shake in my fingers and then they splurged out onto the pavement between my car and window. so embarrassing.

i told the doctor about it and she performed this test on me where she held her finger out in front of me and told me to point my finger to my nose and then back to her finger with both hands. i was soooo off! shaking my way to the destination. it was ridiculous. she was like, "wow!" i don't think you want to hear your doctor say that.

after that, we got to the grand finale of male physicals: the hernia test. she told me to put my butt against the end of the exam table and stand up. she told me to drop trow. i did. then, she starts explaining to me all the things that she is going to check for and why and what she will be looking for. yo doc, i'm already naked! check my junk and let's get out of here. you can tell me procedure when we are done. damn. anyway, i'm all good down there too.

i kind of thought about what i would do if i was a doctor and had to look at male genitalia from time to time during these exams. i think it would be funny to bust out one of those back scratchers with the hand at the end to perform the test. also, if you had to give a rectal exam, i think i would get some laughs if i put on a coal miner's helmet first and turn on the light.

so after i put on my clothes, she came back in and sat down and told me the outcome of her exam. she stated that she was giving me a steroid cream for my dry skin. she warned me not to use it on my face though for a long time because it could develop spider veins. that'd be weird. i think i am gonna try my other cream first, or maybe i can use steroids and hit many homeruns in professional baseball!

then, she told me that she wanted me to see a specialist about my shaking. a neurologist to be more specific. she said that since it only has gotten a little worse over the last 17 years, she didn't think that i had...wait for it...a brain tumor or parkinson's, but she wanted to do a test to make sure! WTF?! she said that she thought it was what is called a familial tremor or something, but it was odd because you don't develop that so early in life. crazy. i'm not gonna get all worked up about it until i hear what it really is, but that's crazy.

so that was my trip to the doctor. i got a referral to see a brain doctor, some steroids, and my junk is fine.

talk to you soon.