history repeating...for who?

history can't repeat what it hasn't even witnessed.  history can only be studied when there is actual facts to go off of.  history isn't a judgement of what could potentially happen in the future when based off of fear.  history is pretty straight forward.  history is repeating itself as we speak...

let's take a look.

once, there was a girl.  she was a very pretty girl.  she had the world at her fingertips and she wanted to do all that she could to make a difference in the world and in the lives of others.  she was also very smart.  she went to a really good school in the big city and had it made.  or, so it would seem.

growing up as a child, this girl grew up in a family with a brother and sister and she was quite different from them.  she was often teased that she was not even a part of the family and this girl even questioned this as an adult.  she was taller and had a different nose and complexion from the others and that fueled her sense of being an outcast in her own family. 

and then there was dad.  what a man.  what a great example on how not to treat your children.  he was an abusive mess that squandered money and treated his children like crap.  the abuse that he spewed upon his children struck the girl at the very core and imprinted the girl with the image of what a man should be.  she carried this into adulthood.

she would pick guys to be in her life that imitated how her father treated her growing up and she would breakup and get back together constantly with these men that treated her like crap.  they would get drunk and they would yell.  they would talk down to her and they would make her feel like she wasn't worth anything that was worthwhile.  she was a flower that had bloomed in the beginning of spring, but a flower that was so beautiful and yet placed in a closet, in a basement, and never showcased by those that she cared about.  she was placed in these places to wither up and just get by on the occasional good word or two that would be given to her.

and she almost gave up at different points.  she spent time in hospitals and she lost her way here and there.  she ran to other places to start over and she travelled to forget the past.  she tried therapy because she could see what she was going through was killing her and she wanted to find a new way to live.  she never stayed in therapy for very long though.  it's tough to face the past, especially when she thought she had the answers and knew which way to turn next.  controlling her own life, she moved on.

and she met a new guy.  he was a nice guy she thought.  he worked out and had a nice smile.  he treats me nice and means well.  he just gets angry every once in awhile when he drinks, but he's working on it.  he'll be okay.  i love this man that has yelled at me for no good reason in the past.  that is behind him now.  i know it.  i'm so good, he will change his ways with me. 

there was a guy too that was a really good friend of this girl.  she and him shared all their secrets about the past to one another and told each other how they truly felt at any given time.  sure he liked her, loved her even.  they shared a kiss one time in the very beginning of knowing one another.  he tried on multiple occasions to start a relationship with this girl.  he wanted to treat her the way that she should be treated.  he knew she was special.  he could talk to her about anything and could laugh with her about the world.  at the same time, he could enjoy his time with her without having the relationship and looked forward to chatting with her whenever it happened.

he looked forward to her on a daily basis because he felt alone in the world.  he was going through his own things too and one night he started to plan the end of it all.  he reached out to her and she helped him through this time of trouble like he had in the past for her.  they always looked out for each other.  she asked him to come and stay with her for awhile to get away from his problems for a bit.  he went to his family and they agreed that it would be a good idea. 

she told him that she was not with her man anymore when she originally told him to stay with her, but that they were working things out.  this is the guy that was treating her poorly before, but she thought that he was really trying and she wanted to work things out.  she ultimately decided that the guy she had shared so much with throughout the years shouldn't come because he would obviously want to be looking for a relationship again and she didn't think that would be fair for the ex that she wanted to reconcile with.  she cited the fact that history repeats and she doesn't want that to happen. 

and now she is back together with him.  just like how she got back together with the boyfriends of the past.  she sees that he has really tried hard to change his entire way of being in the last couple months and that he is going to be on the straight and narrow now.  history surely doesn't repeat for people like him, or like her.  she isn't trying to find someone like her dad.  she isn't living over and over again with a relationship where the guy treats her like shit.  no, no.  that isn't repeating.  no, what is repeating is that this damn guy i have known for so long, who actually cares about me and has never treated me like crap keeps saying that he wants me as a girlfriend.  what nerve!  i got this guy right now who treats me like shit occasionally, but he is turning it around.  you'll see.  i will fix this relationship because i owe it to myself because i couldn't do it with my father.  that's what i am gonna do.  i won't just accept someone who cares about me and that's it.  that would be too easy.  i don't deserve that.

things may be good now, but she believes that history repeats.  her friend hopes she is prepared then for what she has done to herself again.  it's gonna happen.  it may not be now, next week, or next month...but, it's going to happen.  she says so herself.  and then what?  who's next?  who can fix her?